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BABAL Khate
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Posted on 01-01-12 9:43
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You go out to eat with a friend. You sit down at a restuarant. After you both enjoy the meal, the waiter puts down the bill. Instantly, both of you pounce on the bill. You grab it and refuse to let your friend pay. He argues that it is he that should pay and that it is not proper for you to pay. You both go back and forth, wrestling with the bill, trying to rip it out of the other person's hand. After a lot of negotiating and making the other person guilty and protests, finally one of you resigns to letting the other person pay. What is this called?
This is called our Nepali Culture of Courtesy.
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BABAL Khate
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Posted on 01-01-12 9:52
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Us Nepalese are one of the most polite people in the world. We go out of the way to make our guests feel welcome. But the only way this system of making our guests feel welcome to our homes, our cities and our countries is if the guest reciprocates and also shows the same level of courtesy. If the guest is not of the same culture of courtesy, he could take advantage of our politeness.
The only way the Nepali culture of politeness and courtesy with our guests can keep continuing is the guests reciprocate our positive attitude and our open hearted nature. We treat our guests like god. "Atithi Devo Bhava." But we expect our guests to also show us the level of courtesy that we show them.
Imagine if we open our doors and invite the guest into our home. And what does the guest do in reciprocation? They decide to never leave the house. Or they decide that they will take all of our resources and not replace anything. Or let's say that they decide that they feel so at home that they don't respect the rules and regulations of that house. We expect the guest to always respect the way the house hold runs. If the guest forgets that they are only a guest and that they do not belong in that house, then it can cause many problems. If the guest feels so at home in the house that he forgets that he is only a guest, then that means that this guest has over-extended his welcome. He is taking advantage of the host to the point of being a nuisance.
At this point, the guest is a parasite, living at the expense of the host.
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BABAL Khate
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Posted on 01-01-12 10:00
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Us Nepalese have one of the most cooperative cultures in the world. We are very spontaneously cooperative. Many of our parents and grandparents were in huge joint families. The culture in these joint families was one of spontaneous cooperation. Nephews are insisting on being courteous to Uncles. Buharis to jethans. Younger brothers to older brothers. They are constantly bowing to each other trying to be of service to the other person.
If Nepalese argue, it is because they are insisting in being more courteous than the person that they are related to. This is how great Nepali culture is.
The reciprocation between the two parties becomes so dizzying that it takes a life of it's own. This is the culture of courtesy that I am used to in my family. It is so beautiful and wonderful. People are so sensitive. They are bending over forward trying to creatively make the life of their relative more comfortable and sweet. It is truly beautiful.
Last edited: 01-Jan-12 10:04 PM
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pshrestha78
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Posted on 01-02-12 12:00
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Indians do the same but bargin for dumes whuke buying alu tomatoes.so its more kike asian culture.
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maxpayne
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Posted on 01-02-12 2:05
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Indians split the bill, but want checks spilt between all the credit cards. When i worked in a restaurant i made a rule of acepting only 3 cards per table. damn indians would come in groups and would split the check 8 ways. No more.
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georgian_satellite
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Posted on 01-02-12 4:24
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I have seen and heard this so called 'nepali culture of courtesy' turning into focal point of bitter argument when relation gets sour. So, for me its 50/50. But if you so that courtesy here or any other western country you are a sole loser .
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georgian_satellite
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Posted on 01-02-12 4:25
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pinpoint
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Posted on 01-02-12 4:51
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No disrespect but this is what i think. We have a culture so focussed on other's (society's) opinion. A lot of the things we do is based on what others will think about us when we do so and so more than for its own sake. For this restaurant incident, a lot of times people do it so that the other person will think he/she is polite and generous. a lot of times, inviting people home is just formal talk. We do it so the other person wont think negative of us and wont get offended.
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BABAL Khate
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Posted on 01-02-12 7:13
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PinPoint said:
No disrespect but this is what i think. We have a culture so focussed on other's (society's) opinion. A lot of the things we do is based on what others will think about us when we do so and so more than for its own sake. For this restaurant incident, a lot of times people do it so that the other person will think he/she is polite and generous. a lot of times, inviting people home is just formal talk. We do it so the other person wont think negative of us and wont get offended.
Me:
But Pinpoint, whatever the end impact. Do you agree that the intention is to be courteous?
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pinpoint
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Posted on 01-02-12 8:23
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On the outside, yes. Deep inside, not always.
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