Today, I have finally collected all the courage I have left inside me and have decided to tell you all what exactly had happened on 14th December 2019 Saturday morning. First, I would like to apologize and let everyone know how sorry I am. An unwise decision made by four people took a life of an innocent soul. Although I wish it wasn’t true and this was all a bad dream, but I too was one of the passengers inside that car. I sincerely apologize for being late on doing this because I still am very much traumatized and shocked by the unfortunate incident. A mother of four lost their loving mother and a husband lost his supportive wife. My life has completely changed after this incident. Only god knows how I wake up every morning with my heart and soul still in anguish and sorrow. I will never be the same person again. I stand in solidarity with the emotions of the public and their empathy for the victim and family. I wish I had realized it sooner that DUI (drinking under influence) is never an option but a responsibility to protect not just ourselves but everyone who may be affected by it. As I write this with a very heavy heart, it kills me every single moment of my life that an innocent life has been lost. I will live with this pain forever. For those who know me personally know that I would never even hurt a fly. I grew up believing that kindness is the most greatest thing in the world. As some of you might not know that I lost my father in a car accident when I was just two years old, I have lived with the pain, anger and sorrow for him not being there in my everyday life. I am someone who was brought up by a single mother and I very well know the pain of a family member not being by my side. I have cried and yearned for my father all my life. Being strong was never an option for me, seeing my mother do her best and work the hardest for my family since childhood made me think that I too have to be like her when I grow up. I have tried to be a strong person all my life. But at the end of the day I am merely a human no matter my status in the society and I too get afraid. How I wish from the whole of my heart and soul that I could take back this unfortunate incident. She could have been anyone, my loved one or myself and it haunts me everyday to realize that I could have asked him to call a driver or a cab and not drive under influence, instead of hopping inside without thinking of the consequences that I have had to learn the hard way. I absolutely understand the rage and the hate public showered upon me. But I have also come to understand that I too am an human being just like all of us. And I accept the fact that I made a grave mistake which will haunt me forever. But blaming one another won’t bring justice to the deceased and her family. Yes I got scared and I was completely frozen when the incident happened, I didn’t even know what to do. My mind was completely numb and my ears were ringing. I didn’t even “FLEE” I was still inside the car shocked, frozen and traumatized, while my friend had gotten out of the car to see the commotion. When he came back he saw my state, held my hand and pulled me out of the car and shouted “LEAVE! JUST LEAVE!” I was so much in shock that even when I came out I was sitting next to the car not knowing what to do. I didn’t even know that a woman had been hit. Then I saw the commotion outside, crossed the road as my heart was racing with fear. I opened my bag and recharged my phone immediately. The first person I called was a responsible guardian as I was too scared to call my mother at that point of time. Since no one answered my call I sat there at a shops stair case not knowing what to do. My mind was completely blank and in shock. Couple of locals came up to me and asked if I was there inside the car I said yes I was in the car. I was ready to face the consequences as I was right across the street where the accident happened. I burst into tears not knowing what to do at that point of time. At that very moment a local man on a bike came up to me and said that it wasn’t safe for me to be there. He told me that anything could have happened. At that moment I was horrified. All I was thinking was I wouldn’t want to experience that. The first thing that came in my mind was my mother, she always tells me that she is alive because of me. What would happen to her? What would happen to all the sacrifices she made for me in her life? I thought my life was over. After sometime the same man came back with a taxi. Soon after I reached home I called my other friend who told me to leave from there, he told me that the person who was hit is taken to the hospital and they are at the police station. The person who was driving the car is behind bars since day 1. I then contacted my family lawyer and told him what had happened since he knew that I had tried to harm my self before while in severe stress, advised me to delete all my social media handles and not read what people had to say to me. But I didn’t listen and saw all the hate messages and comments. I cried, I cried day and night. Then he advised me to block all the negative messages comments that was sent to me. And I did that accordingly. What happened was so wrong and can’t be forgotten. I was cursing myself to have agreed to sit inside that car. The person who was driving is a mutual friend. He was always well behaved and well spoken whenever I met him. That night too he was well behaved and offered us to have breakfast. I was already starving at that time so I said yes to food. Little did I know that we were going so far and little did I know that this incident would take place. If I had known the future I would have taken a cab home and slept like I always did. Now, many of you know that I love loud music and dancing, it was my therapy. Being a victim of depression isn’t easy but I never complained. Every time I checked social media I felt like ending my life. I was again in the verge of committing suicide. If I have ever offended anyone in a personal way, my sincere apologies. Sorry from the whole of my heart and soul but creating your own false versions of me when I was silent was not the best thing to do. I understand venting your anger on me but false accusations and character assassination is something I cannot accept. But I do accept my mistakes and I am fully responsible for it. I apologize to all of you if I have ever done anything wrong. I also know a lot of you were not happy with me when I did a fashion show two days after this incident, I had already given my word and there was no way I could have backed out in the last moment. Getting on that car was a choice, leaving the scene and walking the ramp wasn’t. I may have kept a straight face but I was dying in the inside that particular day. Knowing the fact that I lost my father in an accident made me fear accidents all my life, that is why I was so frozen and traumatized when I could have done something. Every day I regret the fact that I was involved in something so traumatizing something which should never have happened. I learned my lesson in such a horrific way. And I know a lot of people in-fact friends who used to drive around ktm city early morning after a night out, PLEASE PLEASE I BEG YOU not to do so. Anyone could have been in my position. I don’t want any lives lost anymore. I never wanted bad for anyone else, I was never judgmental, I was always forgiving. And I think we as humans should be more forgiving and less judgmental towards each other. What happened was very wrong and It kills me every time. But most importantly, I would like to pray for Leela Devkota’s soul to rest in peace and I would like to apologize to the family and people who cherished her the most.