Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?
A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later

Q. Why did god create Adam before he created eve?
A. Because he didn't want anyone telling him how to make Adam

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. What's the difference between your paycheck and your cock?
A. You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A. Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynaecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?
A. Good morning Girls

Q. What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A. They can both smell it, but can't eat it.

Q. You know why they say that eating oysters will improve a man's sex life?
A. Because women know if he'll eat one of those, he'll eat anything!

Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

Q. What is the difference between "Oooh!" and "Aaah!"?
A. About three inches.

Great To Be A Guy

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

The garage is all yours.

Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.

You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

Foreplay is optional.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said...

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or irreparably mangle your feet.

Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

His And Her Diary


HER DIARY

Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant
and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.



HIS DIARY

Today the Leafs lost. At least I got laid.

crap