Paddy is planning to marry, he is, and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. 
  
His doctor says,  "Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."     
  
Paddy asks,  "Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"                                                           
  
  The doctor replies, "Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue.   
  
If she says, "That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...", you hit her with the shovel.'

Nice one dhwase, here's my dose for today;

Two guys are sitting at the bar and they were drunk, One start to insult other one...He screams, "I slept with your mother, i sleep with her every night.." The bar suddenly gets quiet, as everyone listens to see what the other guy will do....The first one again yells, "I slept with your mother"

Finally the other guy replies,"Go home Dad, You're too much drunk.."

bd....

Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
> >>>(Must Read Out Loud)
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>1)����������That's not
> >>>right.................................................... Sum Ting
> >>>Wong
> >>>
> >>>2)����������Are you harbouring a
> >>>fugitive............................. Hu Yu Hai Ding
> >>>
> >>>3)����������See me
> >>>ASAP....................................................... Kum
> >>>Hia
> >>>
> >>>4)����������Stupid
> >>>Man........................................................... Dum
>
> >>>[Disallowed String for - Bad word 'fuk']
> >>>
> >>>5)����������Small
> >>>Horse......................................................... Tai
> >>>Ni Po Ni
> >>>
> >>>6)�� Did you go to the
> >>>beach......................................... Wai Yu So Tan
> >>>
> >>>7)�� I bumped the coffee
> >>>table....................................... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
> >>>
> >>>8)����I think you need a face
> >>>lift..................................... Chin Tu Fat
> >>>
> >>>9) It's Very dark in
> >>>here.............................................. Wai So Dim
> >>>
> >>>10) I Thought you were on a diet...............................
>
> >>>Wai Yu Mun Ching
> >>>
> >>>11) This is a tow away zone.......................................
> >>>No Pah King
> >>>
> >>>12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week............. Wai Yu Kum
> >>>Nao
> >>>
> >>>13)�� Staying out of
> >>>sight.............................................. Lei Ying Lo
> >>>
> >>>14)�� He's cleaning his automobile .............................
> >>>Wa Shing Ka
> >>>
> >>>15)Your body odor is offensive................................ Yu
> >>>Stin Ki Pu
> >>>
> >>>16)
> >>>Great..................................................................
> >>>Fa Kin Su Pah
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >
> >
>
>

One day two mad (mentally disorder) guys ran away from the mental hospital. Getting out of the hospital, they reached hospital's dumping site. One guy found surgical glove and asked the another one, what is this? Another guy looked very carefully and took sometime thinking what's that? Then he replied, It's condom from the age of Mahabharat!! specially designed for Pandav brothers!!

lol @chhimobu, and here is one for today

 

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from the previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. 
The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. 
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." 
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. 
He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork around your vagina before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." 
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here
for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's
office."

TGIF buddies, here's my dose for today, sorry for delay...

Students in an english class had to write a story about religion, health and mystery in as little words as possible. Mant students were confused on how thet were going to do this???

Only one student got an A+.. Guess who was that?? She was little johny's girlfriend and her story about religion, health and mystery in little words was like this, "Good god, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it."

Have a good weekend fellaws...

A priest is walking by a house and sees, sitting in the front steps, a young boy shaking a bottle of some clear liquid.

He asks the boy what he was doing. The boy responded, "This here, Father, is turpentine, the most powerfull liquid in the world".

The priest responds, "You are wrong, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. You rub a few drops of Holy Water on a pregnant womans belly and she'll pass a boy".

The boy responded, "That ain't nothing father. You rub a few drops of this in a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!" 

A man goes hunting with a bunch of his friends on His land!! They have
been hunting a while and his best friend says"hey I can see in your
bedroom with my scope". He says " who's that man in the bedroom with
your wife? The husband says "what? r u joking? The friend replies,"no
honestly. I can see them!! The husband says "Fine shoot her in the head
and him in the di*k!! The friend replies"I CAN GET THAT IN ONE
SHOT"

one more ,

Super man was flying around metropolis one day and saw wonder woman on
a roof top and thought she was sun bathing and he said "may be I'll go
down there and do a lil' boom boom! Nah I'll just pass this golden
opportunity and may be fly around a little more." So he flies around
the city some more and passes by again and says" screw this I'm going
to do the bang boom so fast she wont even know I'm there." He goes
down, does it then flies away. Wonder women says what the [Disallowed String for - bad word] was that?
Then the invisible guy says "I don't know but my azzhole sure hoist
now!!!"

here is what i have for today

A young couple had just got married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newly-weds. After a long wait, the family ate without them. 
The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" 
The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..." 
"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old. 
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat. 
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up. 
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mother once again questioned why they had not come down to eat all day. 
The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think..."
"Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather testily.
"I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"

American Customs,

An American went next door to welcome his new Sardar neighbour.
He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad.

"Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.
When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drank it.
"Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till tomorrow, he went on with other stuff.

The third day, he was determined he had to welcome the Indian man.
At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.
He became real angry and went up to the Sardar.

"I'm sorry sir, I want to wish you a welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!', he yelled in the Sardar's face.
The Sardar looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken!
These are actually American customs. I was told, to be American, you have to chase chicks, get pissed drunk, and listen to bullshit.

Good one Morange bro

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if
they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen
bring up the subject of sex.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen. "Pretty much the way
you do," responds the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners
for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian
go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny,
weeny member - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!"
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with
his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until
it's quite impressively long.
"Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty
narrow...." "No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears.
With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire
measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go
their separate ways.
As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful.
How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies,  All I got was a headache.All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

Good one dHwasE Bro here is one from me for today,

A salesman who was doing market research for the Vaseline Company
Knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three
Small children running around at her feet.

   "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the
   Product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."
   "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?
   "
   "We use it for sex," she said. The researcher was a little taken
   Aback. "Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's
   Bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know
   That most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty.

   Since you've been so frank so far, can you tell me exactly HOW you
   Use it  for sex?" The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at
   All. My husband and I put it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

for today

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off
his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his
erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?"
Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays
down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down,
and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him.

The Huge Man says:"Sir,did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?"

The Huge Man:"You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked
receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key
back.You can keep the $500 joining fee."

Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities....."

Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks."

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

Nice one gentleman, here's one from myside..

A son tells his dad, "I had sex for the first time in my life last night." So dad being excited to know which girl he has sex with, he said, "Congratulation son, so how was your first experience, how do you feel and what did you learn." Son replied, "I feel very good and everything's well except for the fact that my ass is hurting so much because i didn't know that Ryan got such a huge D**K.....Dad fainted...

after all these, i owe you guys one!

a kid once saw pedro's dong so big that he asked him what the hell it was!
after being insisted upon time and again, pedro explained that it was his member. without missing a beat, the kid asked what he needed to get his member so big.
chanaa khau babu, chaana, pedro answered.
unable to wait to get his size going, the kid ran home to his mom and ask for a rupee.
why do you need it, she said.
i ain't telling u any reason, he replied.
then you ain't getting the ruppee.
finally, the boy had to relent and spilled the beans. he had to buy chanaa for his member!
the mom went to the room, fetched the purse and pulled out a one rupee note
Laa! 4 Aaana ko ta kha! 12 Aana ko babu lai dinu!

continued ...
the kid anjoyed 4 aana ko chanaaa and also bought 12 aana ko chanaa for his dad. It worked. The result was mindblowing, dad got dong as big as pedro's. Now, dad goes to the bedroom , hugs his wife from behind.Feeling that big dong in her azz,she exclaims, "what the fuxk you still doing here, Pedro?"

lol @default061

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet," counselled the therapist. 
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. 
She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon. 
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."