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 LOVE:Unspoken

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Posted on 01-18-05 1:29 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hey all sajhaietes,
I have written a piece from my side. Can you Please read it and comment from ur side. If u want to read more..please post it I will continue it a series...I promise with twist and turns...:-)...anyways Write comments and U may share ur writings too....No boundaries...
here is a piece from me..

LOVE: UNSPOKEN
It was Friday. I still lied there still awake...Homework to be finished. Homework never fascinated me, the only reason I did it was to escape from the punishments. Also I have to finish it now, tomorrow we were to shift apartment. With my father working as whole-timer in a Communist Party at that Panchayet era, there was frequent change of places for us and continuous change of friends. With homework finished, I went to bed? there was whole new day ahead.
Strange eyes were peering into us as we transferred our goodies into our new dwelling. We were used to it with so much of shifting places. But I still remember those hazel eyes watching me as if I were a prince from Caribbean. There was much more works to do rather than watching back to those eyes, rooms to be cleaned and set up.
She was our flat partner's daughter. We were in other words next door neighbors. I think she was 7-8 in those days, I exactly don't know, never asked. After she saw me the first thing she told her parents was that she would marry me someday. With her mother so much chit chatter, the marriage thing was now widespread all over the flat within 2 days. With myself being only 11 years at that time, I was so irked by the fact of marriage. My entire cousin soon knew about this and my marriage was gossip of the town, and I simply hated her for loving me. My cousins would tease me every time I meet them, which irritated me more.
She used to come to talk with me; I would irritate her with my gawky voice whenever she came near me. I was petrified of gossip of marriage. I would confine myself whole day in my room on holidays rather than to talk with her. She was only friend available within the community but I was rather reluctant to speak with her moreover to be friend.
It was raining that day, I was just watching the drops of rain falling on the ground, wanting to go and get wet in rain but afraid that mom would scold. I didn't notice her but next thing I knew was she was just sitting next to me.
"Rainy day, huh??" she started the conversation.
"No, a sunny one, with sunlight everywhere." I started my mission.
"Do you like to get wet on the rain??" She asked.
"But where is the rain?" same gawky voice.
"I always like to play in the rain, it is so much fun." She stood up, and walked toward the rain, without even being irritated with my replies.
"That is what I also want to do" my inner soul told to me.
Without even caring of mom's tough rebuke, I also ran toward rain. Next thing I knew was we were playing in the rain, carefree and like flower children, the children of nature. We were all wet, all covered with the mud and all dirty, but who cared when one can have so much fun. That night I was thoroughly scolded by my mom. But that day, a friendship started, not to end I thought.
 
Posted on 01-27-05 7:39 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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keep up = keep on .......... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i hate my typing... every time i make a mistake grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... damn me...
 
Posted on 01-27-05 8:11 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hey nirman
its a new day and make a thought.ur story is typical better continue.i will be and i think whole visiters will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1cauz its a new story with new environment .
u can move on we are here to read and appriciate
bjbharat
 
Posted on 01-27-05 9:00 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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here is another part fren..i m happy that u ppl like it..i m into others too...but there are tons of works in my office..i complete it and post it...till then enjoy this one..here is continuation from above...

************************************

Those were 'Tintin' comic strip. I really liked those over those Hindi comics. But later I found out that that would cost far lot more than Hindi ones, and those I couldn't even dream of?
Back at school, there was strange craze for Hindi comics. And my mind was set back in willingness to buy my own Hindi comic book.
"Mom, Can you give me 10 rupees?" I requested.
"What for??" She wanted reasons.
"Nothing, I just need it." I didn't want to say reasons.
"No money without reason." Topic was closed.
"Will you give it to me if I tell you reason??" I tried once again.
"Okay. If reason if validated." She replied.
"To buy comics." I explained.
"What??" She looked surprised. "Comics are not for you. Comics will fry your brain with worst imaginary things. And eats up your valuable time for study?and blah blah blah?."She made it clear for me.
Now with my only source of income closed, I had to find another way to buy comics.
I had noticed that bag when searching for something at cupboard. It was the bag where my dad used to put the donation he has collected for his party. I was afraid to touch that bag before, but now my need has become awesome, and I have to gather my guts to invade that bag. I had done small time theft of 2-3 rupees before from the drawers, below pillows and other places where money was put carelessly. But 20 rupees was big one for me and I didn't know other way to make money.
That day nobody was home. I made my plan and went to my parent's room for invasion. There it was, my target, I went ahead and took 20 rupees out of it in 2 rupees changes. I put the bag inside and closed the cupboard. Completing the mission I turned back.
"Abbuii?(Whoa)" I was scared to death.
Silly me I had forgotten to lock the door. She was standing right behind me.
"Why did you take money??" She asked.
"It's my dad's and I can take anything of his?" I didn't know what else to say.
"You are a thief." She caught me red handed.
"No, I am not." I tried to protect myself.
"I will tell your dad." She threatened me.
I was scared to death of being beaten. I didn't know what else to do.
"I will give you half." I tried to lure her.
"I won't take it, I am not thief." She rejected.
Scared to death I was of being beaten, I grabbed her and threatened.
"If you tell this to my mom and dad, I won't marry you and more than that if they beat me, I will be dead."
She looked vague and pale hearing my words.
(I sure owe heartfelt sorry of telling that to her?I am Sorry?if you are reading this somewhere out there)
I was bit relieved and sure that my secret will be buried forever. I was afraid at the same time.
I don't know about others but that day, in some way, communist party has given me equality. The money (although I have stolen that) from their donation helped me stand on equal foot with my classmates, I can own my own comic now.

************************************

 
Posted on 01-27-05 9:05 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hey..and don't say that my story sounds like those crappy hindi serial...i really hate those...atleast i think i m not aprraised by saying my stories are like that....please people..this is my story not that crappy hindi serials...
 
Posted on 01-27-05 10:24 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Don?t take it in wrong way. Hindi serials aren?t always bad sometimes they are really good. Some of them are really heart touching and we just wanted to say that we appreciate and it?s really good. Keep it up.
 
Posted on 01-29-05 2:12 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman,
I am looking forward to read more of your story. Hopefully you will post them soon.
 
Posted on 01-29-05 10:33 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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here is new part..continued from above...and thanx for waiting for my stories...arko part aauna aali time lagchha hola..2-3 diin..but i hope u ll be waiting..office ma dheerai kaam chha soo hope u all will understand and keep this thread alive..

************************************

With the enough money to buy two comics, I approached Pee for my first comics. Pee became my first vendor and I got two comics and one free comic in the deal. Now I was a proud owner of three comics. However, soon those three comics held no charm after some weeks and I couldn?t steal more money for buying new, I was dead scared of getting caught again.
As they say, ? Where there is a will, there is a way?, there soon was a way to get me out of the problem. I found a new customer for my comics. He was only son of some rich fellow who was locked inside his home once he was in. He has no other way to buy comics rather than to depend on friends. I sold my three comics in price of four, and there I made my first profit ever. Now I was out again with Pee to buy the comics. This time we went together to the market for our shopping crusade for comics.
Pee and I were now together a team and would go up to Basantapur to fetch new comics. Soon enough we made wide circle of customers in our class and we were known comics baron at school. I was now independent for my comic expenses.
Pee and I were best team together. We learned too many things being together. Together we discovered our first porn magazine (We were heck unaware of what sex was though, but covered body shown open just lured us), together we started cheating on the comics shopkeepers (Pay for three comics and take home five comics), together we knew what keeping crush was (Pee had crush on a girl for more than five years, but he never ever spoke to her, For me I never needed one), together we were in never ending bond of friendship.
Maybe I was selfish that time, I totally forgot her and was immersing myself totally in my comics business. Holidays would pass going for comics hunt with Pee and time after school would pass reading comics inside course books. She would come and ask me to play with her, but I would simply refuse. With sad face, she would just go away.
Sometimes, when I would go out of room, she would be just sitting in the garden alone. I would often just go and sit beside her. Though we couldn?t speak a word, but there would be this cute smile sparkling on her face and we would just sit there silent.
When I wouldn?t be going for my comic hunts on holidays (which was mostly rare), I would play cards and ludos with her. I would cheat on ludos, but she would just tolerate it. Even in cards I would cheat, but she would just ignore and remain silent. Maybe she just loved the few moments spent with me and I would just take advantage of it.

************************************

 
Posted on 01-30-05 3:26 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman,
the story seems to have derailed with the introduction of all those comic businesses and porn things. something like an eulogy of events. Hard to believe that children of class 5(you had just passed 4,didn't u? accord. to the storyline) could even do those businesses? Before that you had your real or some sort of reality and fictional stuff in the story. You tried to add some spice on that and it has made this episode a mess. Anyway, still you can give justice to your story by putting on the real reminiscence of your past love where lies the truth and your heart. This could be a good novel featuring a traingular love story with a tragic end. Put your heart in the story line and you can achieve something good. Best of luck.
Newuser.
 
Posted on 01-30-05 10:49 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Hey newuser, thanx for you comments..i higly appreciate that...but as they say from need comes the way to overcome it...there were no other ways at those times to overcome my needs..I and mY another friend sure did have our businees at that time...we sure did sell manycomics to buy our own..but we used to charge more...anmyways i also have put lots of fiction of it..and actually beleive me i personally traded 5 comics for a porn mag at that age....and yeah i didn't told u of this being triangular love story...just wait and see where the story leads...I hope u ll love all this....

here is another part...continuation from above...rest will be posteed soon

************************************

It was now more than two years since I had met her and it was more than a year since I had met Pee. Pee and I were in different sections now, but we would go to school together and return back together. With us being in two different sections, now we had advantage of broader mass of customers. We had customers in most of the sections of out class and we were business genius even in that small age (now I think I should have taken business as my career).
With my business on the go and comics we had cheated on dealers, I had made myself a huge collection of Nagraaj and Super Commando Dhruva comics. Pee and I would always dream of being like those heroes. We would compete on drawing those characters, and Pee would always excel in arts. He was a born artist, I was always jealous of his abilities.
I was in my wonder years of teen now. Flamboyant, witty, wanting to be macho (which I never became), curios, and everything any teen would be. I had now also a finest ability to irritate anyone; I was one of most irritating person in world.
She and I were growing together and together we were developing strange intimacy. Even if we won?t say a word, we would understand what is in another?s mind. We didn?t share much time together now, but whatever we shared were passionate. We would find solace in each other?s company, even if we were sitting silent with each other.
Those days, her mother used to cut her hair short,? boy?s cut? they would call that. And irritating I was, I had found finest way to irritate her.
I would just have to say ?boy, boy?
She would have tears in her eyes.
And I would add, ?With look like that, no boys ever gonna love you, faraway be the marriage.?
She would burst into tears now.
I wouldn?t know the way to stop her from crying, but her mother would always come out of nowhere to scold me. I hated those scolds, but I wouldn?t stop my behavior also.
I still remember that day vividly.
That day, I was stacking up my collection of comics in my cupboard. She came in.
? Hey, what are you doing? she wanted to talk.
?Aankha chhaina ki k ho, aankha ho ki button?(Don?t you have eyes, Are they eyes or button? )? I started irritating.
?Hoina, I was just asking.? She said innocently.
I turned back stacking up my comics.
My god, she just had her hair cut, and she just looked like boy. Actually, I always loved her long hair, silky and long black. Long hair always held an attraction to me (may that be on man or woman), and I hated her hair cut like boys.
Now I had got to irritate her more.
?Boy, boy? I started.
She looked hurt, ? Why do you always have to say that??
?Because, satya tito hunchha (truth is bitter)?I fired once again.
Tears in her eyes, she went out of my room. And not before long, her mother was out to scold me.
?Man Pardaina bhane nabolnu ni mero chhori sanga, sandhai ruaaunu parchha ki k ho?? (If you don?t like don?t talk with my daughter, do you always have to make her cry??)? Her mother scolded.
With no elders in my home, I had no fear to reply back.
?Bolnu parekochhaina hamilai. (I don?t need to speak)?I fired arrogantly.
?Nabolnu ni.(Don?t talk then)? She sure was angry and wanted us to be apart.
? I won?t ever.? I made myself arrogantly a promise never to speak again.
From that day on, I stopped talking with her. We never spoke with each other again.

************************************

 
Posted on 01-30-05 10:51 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hey and people id din't know how this happens...but all my " " are turned into ??????...so please correct it hai..hope u all will adjust....
 
Posted on 01-31-05 1:10 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Nirman....whether it is a real story or real cum fiction or whatever does not matter .... give continuation to such a cool n' interesting story .....carry on!!!
 
Posted on 01-31-05 1:22 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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thnx ardent ..i willl post rest soon..and...newuser, any comments..plese post some hai..i would like to hear anything...
 
Posted on 01-31-05 8:25 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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You have an awesome story and an awesome way to tell it. I havent missed a single one of your postings.. Keep writing..
 
Posted on 01-31-05 11:24 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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'From that day on, I stopped talking with her. We never spoke with each other again.'

Hopefully this doen't mean that you stopped speaking to each other ever since. I mean not for years and years. You guys got to engage in some more touching incidents before thinking abt parting. Your story is going towards the right direction. Please take your time to weave the story beautifully. We do not demand for quick posting but put all of your imagination with heart before you post the next one. Just because you may not be able to do justice to your story if you hurry up. Why not make this your really worthwhile piece of literature??Who knows......we can't make vague predictions, can we?
 
Posted on 02-08-05 9:00 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Thanks people for reading this post and all...but sorry i couldn't post more due to situation here at Nepal..i will post some soon...
 
Posted on 02-08-05 12:23 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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:O)heii nirman....
keep on posting!!
love reading it.
 
Posted on 02-09-05 3:53 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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here is continuation...hope u all will enjoy...have fun and yeah comment me...

************************************

Time passed, Days, weeks and months were gone and I didn?t care anything. I was just busy with myself. I would ignore her passing in front of me, but I still remember those strange looks in her eyes, which I preferred to ignore more. I was too much stubborn or arrogant, whatever the word is I just ignored her.
I was in height of my teenage. With the love for comics as well, now I had developed love for music also. I had friends who would listen to hindi songs then and I was into strange craze of Kishor Da. The first ever cassette I bought was that consisting of songs of Kishore Da, but later I found out that even those songs were actually song by someone named Kumar Sanu. I was so disappointed that I broke that cassette. Later I bought originals of Kishore Da. Now along with comics I started making own collection of cassettes. Pee was also into music and it was he who made me available of those first Beatles songs. Later, I found myself in love with the music of The scorpions, Enigma, Lobo, Mr. Big, Metallica, Guns and Roses, Nirvana, many other I can?t remember and above all ?The Doors?. Pee has now a new double decker stereo in his home and now we spent most of our times together in holidays, either creating our own collection of music or going for hunt of comics and cassettes.
Before I knew it was now more than a year, I had last spoken to her. We would pass in front of each other as complete strangers and I thought she had forgotten me too. Not much remarkable things happened so far between us in that time.
Time passed faster, and now I had passed my exams of class eight and was to get into class nine. We were entering our first or maybe second (Is 8 was first step???) step toward what they called Iron Gate.
I still remember that year vividly. Pee had stayed at mine place that day to go for admitting our self to our new class. Pee and I woke up before the rooster did and went to school so as to get our roll numbers lesser and together. Those days, our roll numbers would be given on the basis of admissions, and quicker the admission; the lower would be the roll number. However, we couldn?t get the roll numbers as low as we wanted but we were happy to get together again in our new class. This class would be the wonder year I would remember forever.
I don?t remember the first day of the class but I sure do remember most of days after that. We sure had strange fleet of good and bad teachers (some were worst). There was a teacher who was so skinny that we used to call him ?Khopadi? sir. He used to teach us English and was one of best teacher, but he has this strange habit of putting ?what the? in his sentences. We even used to count how many ?what the? he would say (about 135 in a period as far as I remember). Pee used to draw his figure in the class with his finest skills. I had one of his arts of that sir, but later someone stole that piece of art. Then there was another teacher who used to teach us optional math, young and energetic, he was called ? Kanya Rasi? for his obsession toward ladies. There was our assistant head master then called ?CK Bam? as he was too short. Then there was another madam teaching us health science. I am sorry to say but she was worst of all. All the class simply had no respect for her. I still remember almost all of her classes distinctly as she would teach our last period and that would be our fun period.
Apart from strange teachers, this was the year, when we all class students (specially guys) were most united, when we used to fake of having crush on girls, when we used to read soft porn or comics inside our course books while class is going on, when we used to tease girls in our class for having boy friends in senior years (we even had fight with those guys following the matter), when I developed avid love for movies and books, when we started trading cassettes, when Pee and I would have first and last fight ever and wouldn?t speak with each other for about 4 months, and when I developed a deep love of spending time with her sitting silently with each other (I must have been too adamant to speak).

************************************

 
Posted on 02-09-05 7:13 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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निर्माणको सुरुको हेरेँ। राम्रो लाग्यो।
बाल्यकालको केही पनि थाहा नहुँदाखेरिको मायाको गाँठो, साह्रै मार्मिक लाग्यो।

रुइनुको पनि हेरेँ ।
राम्रो छ, मलाई सुरुसुरुमा जापानमा हुँदाखेरिको याद आयो।
त्यतिखेर कोही नेपाली चिन्या थिएन, भेट्न पनि गाह्रो नि, नेपालीमा फररर बोल्न नपाएर मुख चिलाउँथ्यो। अलिअलि जान्या जापानीमा चित्त बुझाउन पर्ने। वाक स्वतन्त्रतामा शाही घोषणा लाग्या जस्तो नि। त्यतिखेर Internet को I पनि थिएन, E-m@il, Mobile त पछि बिस्तारै निस्क्या नि।
अहिले जस्तो साझामा पेटभरि रीस पनि पोख्न पाइने कहाँ हो र त्यतिखेर... ... ...।
Do your best !!! All of us are in your side.

अरु पछि है त। अरु पनि जाओस् ल।
 
Posted on 02-09-05 7:41 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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DADA:o)
katti paachi hernu bhayeko ni mero chai:O(
tara :O)afterall later is better thn never ni....

ani hajur ko pani sunanu na story ajkal sab jana politics ko matrai kura garchan
dikka lagisakyo:O(

 
Posted on 02-09-05 11:59 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Good going broda. It remined me of my school years.
 



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