“Growing up” in Nepal is different from how I had always imagined my breaking into adulthood would be. In high school, I was under the impression that getting out of college and having a “real job” meant I was an adult. I didn’t think so much about marriage or children having to do with adulthood.
But here I am, in my 20’s with a full time “real” job but the steps to being a grown up seem to have jumbled since I’m still living a home. The western world would probably scoff and tag me a “loser” for still living with my parents (although with the recession, it has become far more common) but in Nepal, it remains the norm.
And since most of us 20’s even into our 30’s are still under the roof of those who never let us forget they’ve raised us, I think it’s stunted our growth. Even though I contribute to the household expenses and do what I can around the house, I’m still living under “their rule”.
I thought that this meant things like informing my mom I’ll be missing dinner, letting them know when I’ll be late, calling when I’m on my way home, helping here and there around the house and so on. I did not realize that it also meant having to ask permission for everything.
Case in point: I decided it was time for a hair cut, and upon seeing my much shorter locks my mother says, “You don’t even need to ask me?” …. But why would I? I’m not sure how living at home has a say in my hair style. I understand my mom raising and eyebrow at outfits that might warrant unwanted attention (not that I would dress that way anyways), but something like a hair cut more than annoyed me. It seemed a tad bit controlling and lacking in letting me make my own decisions.
Just the other day, my friends and I made some plans to go hiking (for a day mind you, not even the Everest Base Camp trek) and again, she miffed me with a “It’s like to you, you don’t even have parents”. In my world where I’m growing up and responsible it’s my job to say, “Mom, I’m going here with my friends and I’ll be back around this time.” I’m not in middle school and I don’t have to ask permission to go out with friends.
This case of parents who are still controlling is no exclusive to me – it seems to happen to all kids still living with parents, regardless of age, marital status, job or even having kids. The problem with this? – parents will always see their kids are babies. They’ll want a say in everything, and as long as you’re under their house (usually rent free) you live by their rules.
What I’d like to do is move out. If young Nepalis were able to control their own living space without parents breathing down their necks, there’s a world of learning we’d be able to do without our parents telling us it’s time to eat daal-bhaat. We’d learn to pay our bills, buy and cook our food, make our money last, decorate our space, run our lives on our time and we’d be incredibly more independent.
If only our parents would let us.
Saani has no real goals and aspirations but she sees opportunity in everything and goes with the flow. This is probably because she loves exploring and discovering. She writes for fun but for the same reason she also cooks, reads, and spends a lot of time on random websites that offer a chance to learn all sorts of tid-bits on life.
