I am from a bahun family, and the girl I love is chhetri. My MOM & DAD are educated person(both are professors) and I thought they wouldnot belive in caste system. But when I told them a love that gal, they said it is impossible. I haven;t talked with them bu they think she is from lower caste. I don't want to hurt their feelings but what about mine?? And the gal's? I don't know what to do? Would you all dare to go against you parent's decision?? I need some good comments, it is really a serious matter and I think you all guys are very good to help me out...

r u kidding me???

if your parents claim Chetry is a lower caste than Bahun, then definitely they think that Gurung is lower caste than Chetry and simultaneously Tharu is a lower caste than Gurung, right???

What if you will find an eligible Tharu girl and wanted to marry??? In that case your parents will prefer atleast a Chetry, just because Chetry is superior than other castes???

What a joke....

Yeah, we all know it is fair. I have listened to my DAD giving speech about these racial issues. But it is really hard when it comes to you. You all are taking it easily, GO AND GET IT! I was also thinking like that. I said "NO" to a proposal of marriage from american gal, thinking they would not like it, I was not in love with her, but would have made my life easier with green card. I also didn't like to cheat on my gal frn, N I have not cheated up to now.

My point is, It does sound easy but it is not.

You hit the jackpot with your point....

So, my suggestion, just wait till you will have kids, then you will prove it in Sajha about your pragmatic point...

your parents should understand ur decision,as u have said they are well educated,i know one parents(who are bahuns) they are not that educated ,but they easily give the permission to marry chetry girl ,with out saying any negative word,
give them some time i am sure at last they will accept ur decision

Rum,

Man! you're ONE confused man. You got some serious problem
Dude! you should of have thought of this before so DEAL with it!!!

I never understood this CASTE BS.

below is personal message to KB
(hmmm....bhoot...i'm sure you must be thinking umm...does this sound familiar"? :D)

Juliannnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (((())))))

I'm so glad you found time for me, with your busy schedule. May be I should make an appointment next time :) hahahahaha

I'll just let you know what's going on in my life now, since it's been so long, since we had any contact.

I'm now married to Marc Anthony. We've 12 children ranging from 1-12 N guess what, I'm pregnant with TWINS :O

We don't have to worry about JLO becoz she lives in the Guest house. And Markie knows that I'm the favorite.

Well...I can't talk long my lemo driver is waiting for me. My BlackBerry is going crazy. I've too many special events to attend this evening.

Te quiero Mucho Bonita

Ciao...........
Asta La Vista BABy

I really hate those people who think and say " this is your life buddy, you are the one who is going to marry and live life, forget about parents or dont care about what they say"

you are in this position because of your parents buddy. every parents does a lot of sacrifice to make thier kids successful and good human being. those people with the kind of attitude like dont care, might not care about friends, or other near and dear ones too. they could be so selfish that they might only care about themself. It does not hurt to consult with parents. I bet every parent will listen to you. they will get angry with your decision, but they are your paretns and try to see happy in what you think is good for you. believe me, they dont want you to see unhappy. but it would be nice if both could be happy with a decision you make.

there is no guaranteed in anything. parents will never leave you. but there is a possibility that your gf will leave you. i am not saying marry the girl with your parents choice. what i am saying is there is nothign guaranteed here. we live in usa where people are liberal, yet there are so many divorce cases. so the main thing is love, trust and compromise. it can happen with your gf, or any other girl. we never know who is better person or who could be better person in long run. marriage is a big decision and i have seen people ( bf/gf) in a relationship for long time yet saying being wife is different than being a gf.

I have a very different problem.

Nepalese have heard and learned about polygamy from their grandparents and in some cases thier parents as well.

I want to experiment with polygamy in my life and see how things work.
I want to get married to two women, a non-Nepalese and a Nepalese. I dont dont know how can I convince my parents.

I'm not worried about legal and social roadblocks because there are always ways to sneak around the laws of any country in the world. Once I get around with the laws I dont give a crap about social crap becuase I'm worried about my own views rather than views of anyone else.

If it was a part of our Nepali tradition in the past to get married to more than one woman I wonder if it is still feasible in the present day ?

No parents will ever want their children to be unhappy. If you really love the lady, and she is the happiness of your life, you should be able to convince your parents. Make sure you are communicating well with your parents, I am sure when you will be able to make them believe that she is the one you want your life-partner to be, they will get convinced. Go for it!

This is all because of lack of knowlege regarding sexual reproduction.

The early organisms in the earth used to produce off-springs asexually. i.e. a single organism would reproduce offsprings just by mltiplication of his cells. So, the offspring would have only those characters developed by his father. Due to this fact the evolution was a very slow process.
Organisms started reproducing sexually because one partner from one place would mate with another partner from a different place, and with different capabilities, and the offspring would have capablities of both the organisms..
This resulted to a fast rate of evolution...( it would be even faster had it been that 3/4 organisms come together and mate and share their Genes(characters)..you see people are starting to enjoy having group sex..this may be the initial phase of the new kind of reproduction where more than 2 organisms come together and share their genes..you may consider it a crazy idea but yes...every monkey considered the first monkey as crazy who stood on his two feet for the first time.. nature changes..it has to change )

Now you know the importance of sharing Genes and the role of sex in making it happen...
It is obvious that sharing of genes by two organisms with similar genes is not very fruitful..that is why our religion prohibits from marrying withing the same "Gotra". It is encouraging to mate with a person with different genes..so that the offspring will have characteristics of both of them.

Otherway round, marriage between two people with very different Genes will be most fruitful and should be encouraged most. So I am very strong supporter of inter-cast marriage. I would recommend marriage with an foreigner if it is possible.

You try to ovserve nature...Take any tree as an example..
The trees have both male and female part in their flowers..
But they wont be able to reproduce until some kind fo wind or flies or bees etc come and mix the male part with the female part..why did nature designe them like so...wont it be easier if they would automatically combine and reproduce...
Here lies one of the greatet mysteries of the nature..you have to understand it by your heart..Nature did so because only then there would be a probablity of sharing of Genes by different Trees..male part of one tree would be carried to female part of another tree by flies,bees or winds..there by making them able to share Genes...

Considering these all facts...why are you afraid to share your Genes with a Chetri..go ahead...
your offspring will have characters of both chetri and bahun...will have high probablity of existing in the race of world.

My best wishes with you..

"Aama Prakriti le Sabaiko Kalyan Garun"

Ay Dios Mio!!! Lo Siento Carino

Ring Ring....there goes telphone.

Pick up!!!

Khaobaadi....lol! u kidding rite?

naya_nepali - hare!!!!!! ufffff!! we are trying to deal with a human here not some experiment ke!


rum- don't listen to these people who are saying go for it and go for it ke!!! uffff!!! cause that's just dumb! see even if your parents do finally come around to accept the girl after you marry her, the society that you live will probally not in your generation at the least ke! unless you decide to have no contact with whatsoever nepalese people ke!!! because there will always be something that will come up throughout your life time that could result in you guys having fights about your caste ke!!! so, i don't think it's a good idea and plus does she have no problem with marrying you???

see if you care about how the community in which you live says behind your back, then i don't think it's such a good idea! i know this sounds dumb cause it is the 21st century but even though i don't think a lot of people have gotten over this caste thing yet!

okay you love her and she loves you! but this passion that you have for her will proabaly be at the high end right now when you really want to marry her, but after all that and you've settled down you're gonna have kids and a job, and it's will be really hard for you to fit into the nepalese community ke! i am sure that in the US no will tell you anything but during your time with her, there will come times when think about each other's castes ke and this could create a problem in the long run ni!!!

also think about your parents, they don't want this and you'll cause them to be talkative with her parents, but they don't even want to, so did they raise you up so you could put them in a situation where they don't want to be in? and one thing i have found is that nepalese parents that are well educated are the ones that care the MOST about castes in marriages ke!!!!!

i know you love her, but for your own and also her life i am sure you could leave her!! and give it tons of time which will cause you to move on with your life and you could get married to a girl from you cast!!!!


i know this sounds crazy but life is not fair!! :) :)

PS: do let me know what you decided to do! (wink,wink)

aha intercast marriage.. jules i c wut is it.. thanxx so much

Hmm interesting thread. Gets my mind stimulated at times. But whaat to dhoo?? bau aama ekatira, lopperni ekatira. bahun keti sitai mero bihe bho bhane ta thikkai cha, non-bahuni sita bho bhane ta babaal huncha mero pani. see oh dubloo cow, bau ko latti khau huncha!

JESUS CHRIST! i didnt know this was still existed! :O my grandfather was prolly a newari and married a chettri! like it mattered that time! and still this thing's on? jesus christ, this is Nepal! :O amazing.

AznshawtY - where have you been living??? uffffffff!! don't act like you didn't know! :S

Well..the caste thing may not be a big deal to our generation but it is a BIG THING to our parents. And, the way we are brough up, it's always hard to go against parent's will.

Putting myself in your shoes, I would have tried to convince my parents for some time. Things get complicated when you are caught up between your heart(gf) and your mind(parents). I know it's hard but it's the best deal avalable. I won't go for marrying her and then deal with parents later which might add bitterness in the relationship with parents which you don't want to do.

There goes my two cents.
:)

Nails fuchhi,
Don't make the situation too complex. All those big things about caste and creed will become trivial when parents will realize that they should let their kids do what will make them feel happy. Of course, you should be confident enough on yourself to feel what you are doing is right.Then only you can go about convincing your parents. Nepalese society is conservative but its not that much that it will ostracize a brahmin who marries a chhetri these days. Your arguments would be valid if we were like 40-50 yrs back, we have changed although not to the extent of our likeability. Nepali society does accept intercast marriages these days.

babygirl, I dun act out first of all and I live in Canada dear. :) and I predicted Nepal's gotten rid of racism or caste discrimination hun, which I was wrong, it stills exist, not nice to know though.

Hey

This is an interesting topic. I have married a person out of my country, and not my religion too. We loved each other so we got married and we are happy, but i kind of understand why parents oppose to intercaste marriage. They have a better understanding that if you marry your own type it is easier to adjust specially in a place like Nepal. So, as they love you sooo much,they are only concerned about you and your spouse and how you can adjust in each other's community. If you are strong enough to adjust you should convince your parents and both you and your spouse should work on keeping both sides of the family happy.

Once you work on this, nobody will ever bug you about your marriage.