I have been in the United States in the ballpark of 5 years. I came here as a student at a certain university in America's heartland, and now have a secure job. So it's quite a moot point to even say that I am not thinking of going back to Nepal. However, I still love my country and make it a personal goal to visit Nepal at least once annually. My parents have gotten a bit old and their wellbeing is always on my mind. I try to send a couple of hundred dollars to them on a monthly basis if my financial situation allows it. I talk to them by phone every week. Lately, it has come to my attention via my aunt that my parents have been searching for a prosprective groom, who in fact happens to be in Nepal. So I am in a quandary.
There is a secret that I have been hiding from my parents. I, by no means, believe in abiding by antiquated beliefs like arranged marriage. So a couple of years ago, I decided to start dating. I dated mostly White people most of the time and never really met my match. I dated a few Indians and Nepalis as well. None of them had the qualities I was looking for. Then a few months later of this little adventure, I met a Pakistani man, who was in one of my classes. Being that he and I were the only South Asians in class, we already had one thing in common. We did projects given by our teacher together. This man was a straight-A student. With his chiseled looks of a Greco-Roman statue, he instantly managed to win over my heart. As I chatted with him, and learned more about this guy, I found out that I had almost everything in common with this guy. Our relationship was strictly platonic at that point. After a few months of dating, he professed his love for me. As our relationship flowered, it slowly took on a sexual dimension as well. In fact I lost my virginity to this guy.
He has recently proposed to me. I of course said yes. Now I am in a quandary. I am not sure how to let my parents know that I am going to marry a Pakistani guy. He has said that he also wants me to convert to Islam. I am okay with it, but I don't know how my parents would react as they are quite traditional. But my mind is set.

So how do I tell my parents? Can somebody help?
Thanks in advance.

i agree with rythm. your parents are the ones that love you the most. they might not like your decision, atleast at present but they will never hate you and will always be there for you. they might take a year to be convinced but they will come around. the problem here is like everyone said, your bf wanting you to convert your religion. i am sure you have no qualms right now, but after marriage the demands go up and so does the responsibilities. i personally would not want to marry a guy who would want to change me, to love me. your fiance loved you when you were not muslim, what is the dilemma now? i don't know, i just don't see you getting the respect you should get (like someone above said), but again that is my personal view....

Here is my suggestion

Marriage is not simple

You must think for long run especially you are getting marry with Muslim guy

nothing personal but why can not he change his religion

How can you say ALLA from HARE RAM HARE KRISHNA

We never ask anyone to convert so why do they do?

Would you want to hurt your mom who carried you in her for 9 months and fed you all this a that and this is what you want to give your parent in return.

Would you forgive yourself if they have heartache. I hope and pray that will not happen

After all of this if you think this is what you want to do WIsh you good luck

-
aaliyah,

You have very strong and dynamic resume on dating and changing boy friends (and gaining wide veriety of pleasures).

If there is a job opening with such experiences, you will certainly get that job.

Aaliya Bahini, Sure. If your statements were true, than To be loved and To Love someone That is great. Only those who are Lucky get these chances. But remember this in life, Emotions and Reality may differ when to spend a life with someone. To be a Lover and loved by a man and To be a wife and spend a life are two different poles of life.

I have Pakistani sathiharu. Sangat gare. Yes, they are TOUGH with their religion. They want to put their wives under their footstep. I knew it from them. Definitely, to get married with this guy as other folks told, you may need to change your religion first if you belong to other religions other than muslim. My PAKISTANI fr had told me the same thing. Changing religion and adopting it is not like eating "DUDH ra BHAT", "HALUWA & SWARI".

I have met a nepali cheli's ( ladies) depression who got involved with a MUSLIM. Similar Case as yours. She gave up her everything. Dukheko belama antim sathi AANSU (TEARS) Hunchha Manchheko. Now she has nothing, not even her tears. I am not trying to discourage you. As you she didn't like Nepali Boys she told me. Ya, I listened her story non stop story for a whole night. I remember her saying TAPAEE JASTO PANI NEPALI HUNDO RAICHHA. I don't know why she told me that, I didn't ask though. She also told me, MALAI MAAN NAPARAUNU HOLA. Yeh ! she had no hope. It was too late to recover from her depressions, only medicines were saving her life. So, Aaliya, if you are for real to go with this guy...." THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK....THINK" but don't blow your mind off. May be You will be fine, I don't know. God has given us a power to think. DIMAG chha ni hai?? So think further, what could be the consequences??




But, Aaliya, Pre-marital sex wasn't a smart move though. Don't do anything stupid anymore. Still your life and future is waiting for your Best decisions. Dont' ruin your life with wrong ones. Life, a beautiful life is hard to achieve, once screwed that's it. You were asking for some ideas, yes, If I was a Lady, I would choose Nepali Guy. That is me. But you are not me. This is life.

so....anyway, TIHAR ko suvakamana. DAI-BHAI lai phone garnu Nepal. Good Luck. :)


-BD

Don't waste your time writing here.. that's all I am saying... Aaliya or whatever is not a woman.. He is simply displaying his frustration and at the same time trying to portray Nepalese women bad.

Aaliyah,
I know how complicated your problem is, but don't take things so seriously. Move on with the flow of time, no one has seen tomorrow, so do whatever your heart tells you or whatever seems right for you today. Who knows it will prove to be a right decision in your case? While telling your parents, make sure you give them enough hints beforehand, so that they wouldn't be shocked.

In case of changing religion, I don't think you can completely abandon your present religion, because you were in that religion or culture for more than twenty years I guess. And trying to change or forget your root is almost impossible. I met a Nepali female doctor about three years ago, who is married to a Pakistani doctor. They fell in love when she was studying medicine in Pakistan. When I met her, she said that she had just returned from Nepal after celebrating Tihar and also said that she was thinking of keeping 'barta' on that day but couldn't. I wondered what that 'barta' was about, but realized later that she was talking of Ramadan fasting. It was good example of religious co-existence. I think her husband wasn't intolerable to her original religion and not so strict to maintain her new religion(that's why she could miss her fasting). So, if your boyfriend is understanding enough, he should allow you to continue your original religion even though you adopt the new one and display religious fraternity and co-existence. If not, you should think about it again and try not to fall into the ditch of religious bigotry and blasphemy.

Aaliya Bahini ji

Well... let me share what I'm living, I'm in love with a lady from other country (thinking to get marriage) she is a mexican engineer and I have never ask her to change her religion, is the opposite way she wants to know more about hinduism and is reading and stuying, but she is doing it because she loves me and is interested, she has no problem in learning about my religion but I never ask her to convert, any way I'm so happy that she is so interested, but it doesn't means that she will change her religion.

I think that in any relationship you learn every day more on the person that you love, and more in this case,to love a person with a different nationality is not to lose your identity, if you are in love is because you share same values I think that you can have an agreement, tell him how you will feel, also you need to learn about his realigion as he with yours.

And about your parents, I don't think is going to be a big deal, they will understand, just wait and tell them in person, my point of view.

How much of efforts u(both of you) are gonna put into it?
Are you(both of u) honest about your feelings?
There is a fuzzy phase, when what you know is not a good enough knowledge!
You want to run away? Hell No!
So don't seek for comfort. Seek for wisdom. Even if some people here tell you to act certain ways, you are not gonna take it! so....why ask it? Damn! life's so difficult!

The way I see it, why does he want you to convert to Islam anyways????? I'm ok with your relationship, but I'm not OK with the way he wants you to convert to Islam. Ask him that he should convert to Hinduism and see what happens. If he agrees, there couldnt be a better guy for you and you can go ahead and convert to Islam yourself if you weant to. But check whim by asking that. Just do it. He shouldn't mind it.
As far as your parents are concerend. You'l just have to tell them. No matter how you jell them, theyre gonna hear. and they're gonna be pissed, and sad and all that. so thats not your main concern the way I see it.
Good luck.

And I just read other messages after I posted my messages, recurring theme Aaliyah ji. They're all warning you on the same isue, his desire for you to convert your religion. I have a lot of respect for Nepalese women. I have been thinkin abt starting a fundraiser for those trapped in the brothels of Bombay. I'm not saying you're going to Bombay, but you may have to endure something similar, hatred from your man's family, hatred from your man himself (if you dont decide to convert), AND tears from your parents. Youll never be allowed to celebreate Dashain tihaar and swing on the ping. If you're non veg, youll have to endure the halaal of an animal.NO SINDOOR or TIKA, or even rakhi and bhai tika. Lots of things that you wont be able to digest(I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT THESE THINGS ARE BAD IN ISLAM. THATS THEIR CULTURE, I RESPECT IT. BUT CAN YOU HANDLE IT????)
If you can bear ALL that, well you're probably super human lady!!! You've already stuck yourself by coming under the pressure of having to look for a partner and not trusting your parents decision. One can only know their true partner AFTER marriage, so arrange ho ya love, doesnt matter.Besides you have written that you were attracted to his Greel looks whatever. It seems that the first thing you were lookin for was looks which you didnt find in any other guys you dated. And so what if the guy's an A student? Charles Shwab was a C student. Gandhi sucked. Hulas Golcha, Nepalese entrepreneur(Rice producer), never went to school, etc etc. Just an A kid wont make you happy (for life). Whats different is the shame in overcoming the barrier of having sex for the first time with your hubby. Think abt it.
Namaste

Dear Aaliyah,
I understand your problem. I also had a muslim boyfriend for a long time. He was my first. He was so nice and everything was working fine. But when it came to marriage, he asked me to change my religion. For me my identity is my culture and religion. I think religion is very personal thing and can not be changed to make somebody happy. If the guy loves you dearly then there should not be problem about our religion. I did not ask him to convert to Hindu than why I have to change mine. I have seen a nepali guy with muslim wife but he never asked her to change religion. Then why a girl has to change her religion? There was another girl in east side who had a same problem. Her Pakistani boyfriend gave her everything, even he put his bussiness in her name. But he could not do only one thing that is marriage. He did not marry her but they lived together. Later on she left him and now she is happy with her nepali husband.
Finally I took a decision and left my muslim boyfriend. Now I am happy with my nepali boyfren. I think I did the right thing. I know my ex loved me so much but he was too conservative. It's hard to find a good guy and even harder to leave a one who loves you so much. But life is too short to live in a boundaries. I am not saying muslim guys are bad but I believe in equal rights.

But my mind is set.So how do I tell my parents? Can somebody help?

well 1stly cheers for making a decision ;o)...alik do like seeing ppl being decisive and makin decisions..cos guess thats one thing i need to improve on ;oP hehe...in the end we have to live with the decisions we make hoina?so well hopefully all goes great with u :oD..and hehe..well decisions too can change the next moment so...hope for ur guy sake...urs wont change ;oP hehe

anyways before i start blabbering...and about the other part of telln ur parents...well due to constrain of time right now plus the fact...im sure u prefer a short reply (i do keep it short!!!i try hard!!hehe)

well here wat i can think of right now..which most prob u might have already thot about hehe..

'bribe' ur parents!!!hehe...u know..make them happy etc...slowly but surely...before breakn the news..which well if ur parents are bit sensitive.. would be quite a shocker :oS...well gotta make sure they fall on some soft matress hoina?when they do fall ;oP hehe....and im sure ur close to one of ur parents..so whoever ur closer too...i guess start talkn and givin hints etc...make them a bit more prepared ;o)....plain straight truth always helps..but parents..being parents..a bit old..guess we do prefer to make sure they do not get too shocked hehe...

so thats about it....i mean me parents relented in the end ;o) hehe..regarding me sis ;oP hehe...and nah he wasnt muslim(duh!!who cares for religion!!if a person is born a muslim!!he doesnt have any choice does he?esp if he was brought up to believe in that religion?yo religion siligion..urghh :oS..)....but well just say..i look up to me bro-in-law..and wish i could be a bit like him ;o)....dyam he loves me sis and pampers her !!and yap she deserves more ;o)..yap im bias ;oP hehe....

anyways good luck..and fren is here..i made a decision to go play football!!screw typing wahahah ;oP hehe..actually fren is here so makin a decision is easier..and he is gettn pissed of waiting..im gettn pissed off typing too wahahaha....so yap u cant please everyone..but hehe..hopefully good luck!!and dyam....hehe

good day and happy tihar :oD..

*gone*WOOHOOOO!!!:oD

Again , don't waste time here on topic raised by a man posing as a woman. Save your energy for other threads.

i was woundering whether this the prem dai with different nick name?

Ms Aliyah Anwar Hussein,
Now that you've already had the virgin pleasure of having sex with a pakistani (big penis-genetic fact) , any attempt by a nepali guy to bring you to orgasm would go futile. so happy marrying a Paki. best wishes. allahh

If he were to have a true love , he should love you for whatever you are. It seems he loves being muslim more than being your beloved. Why cant he change to Hindu religion for that matter or let you continue to follow whatever religion you are into.

well i think that personal problems should be solved privately.

hehehe...dyam wasnt goin to type..tara still energetic!!!dyam!!!..could only kick balls(oi dun think the other way hai!!hehe)...for an hr!:@ arghhhhh!!!

aaliyah wat have u opened?:o| another pandora box i tell u!!!!!hehehehe...so much opinions flyn left and right :o| watch out!!!!!some are coming hard!!!knock out hunla hai ;oP hehe..

but seriously speakin(dyam cant believe i could ever be typyn seriously!!*smiles proudly*:oD hehe)dyam!!..i cant believe!!!i was able to type straight to the point for once!!!(well i did try to answer to ur question only!!!talkin about me prev post hehe esp compared to some others re kya ;oP hehe...and i thot i always lose the plot!!dyam its a great day today ppl!i didnt lose the plot so much!!lets celebrate!for me!!i know u all care!!!!hehehe!WOOHOOOO!!!hehe)

dyam!! everyone cares i tell u!!question ke thio..answer haru ke ke ho :o| hehe

and we always complain that no one cares enuf????cant we see so much 'love' here!!so much caring!!!and of cos energetic ppl too ;o) hehe(prem_dai u aint the only person with 'energy' re kya...get over it ;oP hehe..let them care and waste a bit of energy will u!!sheesh everyone has a hitler in them dun we all?;o) hehe..hitler was a human too in the end just like us re kya ;o)...)

learned quite some things here..dyam even genetics :o| hehe...and pisces bro ..losers re?well she lost it..and her choice..so sheesh how does that make us losers?u lost it already too huh?well guess that applies to me too :oS..me a loser :oS...but so is she...and a lot of ppl who lost it!!so woohoooo nothing wrong!!this world is for losers i tell u!!we are born to lose if u ask me ;o) hehe..like i lost it now :o|....lost me mind ke :oS...tho im sure some of u r gonna try correct me i cant lose that..cos i dun have one :oS..but sheesh!!think about it this way!!!im human too!!and if i dun have a mind!!im sure i had it once!!well when i was born!!so it is lost!!as in i lost it!!so cant i talk about the past!!cant remember when i lost it tho :oS...and yap dun talk about born without it..sheesh give me a bit of benefit of the doubt will u all!!!ok im lost again!!!:o| guess i better stop showing how much a loser i am..always losing it ;oP hehe

anyways aaliyah..watever gender u r (who knows except u urself hoina?and i aint u hehe)...good luck there...:oD..hope u got watever u were 'lookin' for here..when u posted ur post ;o)...and well i got wat i came here for and more :o|...better save a bit of me energy re kya hehe....

we gotta live with our decisions..and its ncie to make decisions..(i shud know cos rarely can i make decisions :o| and yap its frustrating :oS..hehe) but yap in the end..as u noticed...there are ppl who cares ;o)..or practically too bored..or pissed .;oP or u know ke ke ho ke ke hehe......

u asked for a string they gave u a rope re kya..(dyam i forgot that sayn!:@ mero mind!!i lost it!!!LOSER me!!!!!hehehe)not to hang urself with hai!!and wat am i talkn about bhaney :o| hehe...

so i shall put me pen down now!!(another sayn i got from someone hehe..dyam where is me originality!!!!!:o| hehe)

good day :oD...


ps dun anyone talk about the length!!im pretty sensitive about it ok!!!!!;oP hehe

थुइक्क बजिया बजिनि हो
आफ्ना नेपालि दाजु भाई दिदी बाहिनिहरु हुँदा हुँदा पाकिस्तानि सित लाग्ने?
डाडुमा पानि तताएर मरो।

You have no choice but to tell your parents. No matter what you do, they still love you.