I'm from Mangolian family and doing Graduate study at US. I had/have lots of Aryain/Brahmin friends back in Nepal/US. Nowdays, I'm in extremly bad mood, reason is simple. Not all but some of my genius brahmin friends says "BHOTE" to Chinese/Japanese/Thai/Vietnamese/etc people. I don't know, unknowingly, that hurts me a lot. I become quickly upset. Can anyone give me suggestion, what to do?

Not for a moment did I write with the intent to instigate any one or any thing - it is unfortunate that you interpreted it to be such. I wrote what I truly felt was the right thing to do in a situation like this. I am of the belief that one should not tolerate prejudie, overt or covert, even for the sake of "keeping peace", especially when you know the person who is indulging in such practices is capable of doing better than that.

I rest my case.

Pagli!!
it's a personal choice. in our college in Nepal, we used to call DHOTI to one of our Taraibasi friend, JYAPU to newar friend and they also used to say rtaprare to bahuns we all took it easily and it never created crack in our friendship. BUT, it depends in personal choice. If you don't like your friend daying those friends, you should tell your friend clearly, so that the freindship remains longer and they must stop to say so if you don't like. BETTER OPTION TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS.

Thank you all for your valuable suggestion.
Here what I'll do next:
1. When someone says bhote to any mangolian, I'll request him not to say so and explain him that, that hurts me.
2. If still continue, I'll try to avoid him.
3. If still continue, I'll take this issue to Nepali Samaj that we have in our university.
4. If still not solved, I'll post in sajha for further suggestion.
I don't mean to harm anyone or any group. Sorry if I did anything wrong. I had very good (brahmin/chetri) friend during my school and college age. Truely speeking, whatever I'm now is due to those friends, who guided me, helped me alot.
Again, thank you for your suggestions.
Pagli Gurung, CA

Where in CA hau timi.....Bhetna aaunu parla..afu chai paryo bayarea

Most of the time, people call by the name like Bhote, not seriously but just for fun. I am Bahun, and I know some people call me "Kaatha". I just don't care, because we all are just having fun. So, you should not take it seriously, because we live with different type of people, and that's what is the fun part of our society. We live with "Bahun Kaatha", "Bhote", "Newar-Jyapu", "BK-kaami" and so on. Doesn't mean that we have to create hatred among ourselves. Mongolians look different from Bahun-Chettris. So, we just call them by different name. At the same time, the literal meaning of Bhote is not any bad either compared to "Bahun-Kaatha". The people from Bhot are called Bhote. You should not take it any seriously, but you should just let it go through. If someone is discriminating you because you are Mongolian, then that's the matter of discussion.
This message is not only to Pagli, but also to Captain.
Thanks.

Pakhey - Since you addressed me in your response I feel both humbled by the fact and obliged to respond to your comments. One thing comes across pretty obvious to me : we have very different views of how we look at a situation like this. I simply think calling someone by their caste, if they don't like it, is wrong. Whether it is a Limbu calling someone a "Bahun" or a Chettri calling someone a "Bhote" or a Newar calling someone a "Marsya" or a Bahun calling someone a "Jyapu" - as long as the person being called by the name doesn't like it, *it is wrong* and needs to be addressed.

Where I am willing to concede ground to you is if the person being called by their caste doesn't mind, and if it is truly acceptable to them(which I highly doubt) , then that's another story. But why any person with dignity and pride in themselves, their parents and families, will want to be called as such is questionable. I feel that in order to make someone acceptable to being called by names they don't like, there must either be extreme peer pressure on the person or a total lack of self confidence in himself or herself . This is true whether the name calling is based on their caste or is any other name they dont like .

We obviously have different ways of responding to situations like this and it is interesting to read your perspective. In my opinion the worst thing anyone can do in a situation like this is to do nothing and sit back and accept others defining who you are and refering to you as per their convenience. That, in my judgement, would be immoral and self defeating.

So my advise once again is, it doesn't matter what your caste is, if you dont like being called by it, confront the person who is calling you with that name and tell them how you feel. Needless to say I trust people will excercise their best judgement when choosing the manner and tone of the conversation.

just like they are bhote looking japanese or chinese..they are dhotis look alike bahuns and chettris. as simple as that. so relax

pagli..like nepalithito76 said...if they are ur frens...well duh!!go tell them the truth u dun like it..and if they are ur frens they will stop...esp if they realise u are being serious and mean business hehe...if u choose keep it to urself..then well get prepared to whine more and more maybe ur whole life esp when they call u that ;oP hehe...

i do call one of me fren bhote too :oD..not only me..me and me frens ..one whole big gang :oD hehe..and well never thot it might sound derogatory cos duh!!we never meant it to be derogatory i guess...(guess ur frens is thinkin like us hehe..) and well if ur thinkn of caste etc...well im same caste as him if that helps ;oP hehe....well from me expereince frens always do like to irritate(just like u like to irritate them and get in their nerves time to time..u dun?then well i guess im talkn about me ;oP hehe)...anyways..i too have a very dumb nick stuck to me for life :o| can u believe it...some ppl duno me real name..but know me thru me nickname :o|...yap pretty pisses u off sometimes ;oP hehe..but then again i too know some of the not too close frens only by their nicks :o|...dyam these nicknames gets pretty irritating esp if it sticks to u for life :o| hehe..

anyways..good luck..and yap...get it out and get it over it once and for all..hehe..plus..seems like u made some new frens there..so better start ur frenship in the right way re kya..with truth hehe...i guess...im too used to this dumb nick..so have to 'suffer' quietly for life :oS..but hehe thats smthing i have chosen ;oP...feels too weird to tell them to stop calln me that hehe..well if they stop calln me that..it be like telln them im not their fren anymore ;oP...well if only i had known such things would have happened..i would ahve told them long time back when i could change things..to stop calln me this nick ;oP hehe...

so...well..good luck again :oD..

and good day :oD...

Wau Pagli Gurung,

see, I grew up with GURUNG, DURA frs along with BAHUN frs. DOHORI, RODI, GHANTU, KAURA were my tools of amusements. I had frs who joined HK-MALAYA-SIGAPORE-BRITISH Army. I still remember those Gurungs & Dura FRS; yes I still remember them saying "SALA BAHUN KATHA". It was our frship. We had lots of respect to each other with in our Community of GURUNGS,DURAS,KAMI, SARKI,DAMAI,GHARTI,BAHUN. I grew in that community where BAHUN (SO CALLED HIGHER CASTE) & DAMAI,SARKI ( SO CALLED UNTOUCHALBE) all get together and hold BANBHOJ (party) together.

When people discriminate others ( in context of Nepal) I didn't know how to react. I understood cleary; I could change myself but not the whole world. My philoshopy became, just ignore them. I just thought, if economic status of NEPAL changes for good, people need people more and more in Business level and in need of socialization, that would change the discrimination. I hope that day will come before I die. I want to see a changed nepali society for good as you do. Good Luck for all of us.

-BD

मेरो पनि बिचार र अनुभव भाँग्ली दमिनीसित ऐजन ऐजन है। तर हाम्रो गाउँमा दुरा भने छैनन्। जे होस् सबै नेपालीको त्यस्तै हो। मेरो त गुरुगं मित छ।

I am Bhote... Matwaali Mongols.

"Just like they are bhote looking japanese or chinese..they are dhotis look alike bahuns and chettris. as simple as that ..."

First off, that is only incidental to the core issue which, as I see it, is whether or not a person who is bugged by being called and ethnic or casteist name should just suck it up or gather the courage to talk balk to the offender. If some one doesn't feel morally outraged by such behaviour, I would suggest talking back at least for psycological reasons. Taking shit from others doesn't do a whole of good for your mental well-being and could cause serious psychological damage in the long run.

Secondly, I sense a morally repugnant and down right prejudicial and racist implication in the statement above that it is ok to use terms that can be percieved as racial and derogratory as long as some factual basis, however weak it may be, exists to back the slur. *Nothing* justifies calling people any names and more so names that are prejudicial and could offend the other person.

Again, the thrust of my argument is, if you are comfortable with being called names I don't have much to say at this point, but if you are not, then you have every right to give hell to people who call you such names. As always, it is upto the individual to decide what is best for them. The reason I feel passionate about this is because this is not just pagli's probem but is something that affects a whole lot of other people out there across caste, ethinic, lingual, cultural and gender lines both in Nepal and throughout the world.

pagli this is why i call people from thailand/china/japan/vietnam etc "Chyangra" and "Chyangri" if that helps u in anyway :D

Interesting what a great topic...caste..figured why
not toss my two cents...
In my personal experience luckily I have never had any problem with caste-ism.All my friends came from diverse backgrounds.We never took anything personally...I loved it when they called me names linked with my cast rather than my real name and still do and trust me it has nothing to do with dignity.It would reflect the level of our intimacy..
Like violence the idea of caste too is reflection of our mental state.Our violent acts mirrors our violent minds similarly our discrimination reflects our caste-biased narrow mind.
I don't know about you guys...I like to go deep and examine my own thoughts about all issues possible..I wind up feeling after all the color of human blood is red no matter which caste we belong or race...and that is important...not caste..or race..

Hey Pagli,
I kind of missed the thread somehow, which have been rather occurring syndrome these days. Have not had chance to read 90% of it.

But,

I did skimmed thru your problem. Apparently you have found the ideal solution which trails between standing up for yourself, yet not going overboard and still holding your dignity.

"Here what I'll do next:
1. When someone says bhote to any mangolian, I'll request him not to say so and explain him that, that hurts me.
2. If still continue, I'll try to avoid him.
3. If still continue, I'll take this issue to Nepali Samaj that we have in our university.
4. If still not solved, I'll post in sajha for further suggestion."

Malai sarai ramro lagyo timile lekheko yo. Such a level-headed way to counter the ire; so to speak.

But add point no. 5. That being, if it is not solved at all and if it still disturbs you, just say "fuk ya all'. I know that you know that you are special. And NO ONE should be allowed to make you feel low. And YES, your concern is justified.

I did have significant number of Manange, Lama, and Sherpa and even few Tibetan Nepali friends among other large bunch of pals. What and how we talked then and now (which is very rare) are completely different.

Just let them know, like you stated in no.1 and remember, if they still hurt you, KNOWINGLY, you might want to reconsider your friendship.

The first step you said just clicked with me. Your friends should be able to understand your sentiments and respect that. Good luck!

IndisGuise:)

ohhhooo!!!
indi ko darshan durlab re kya:D
kata harayeko!
*how u doin* joey estylee ma;)
just popped in to say hi. hope u are doin good
*. name liya saitan hajir* or is it *timro umer dherai cha* just talked abt u with uncle!!! hehe


anyway good day everyone!
~*ruIna*~

p.s. pagli just talk with them if its that serious!:) i hope they will understand.
well for meh i enjoy saying jyapu,magar and tharu:D when they call me bhoteni !hehe! its kind of cool ni :d

Bewitch,
Now, now . . . caveat :you are feeling the water you should not trade in to.

Do not worry about leaving a piece for Sriya, just devastate me. I tend to grow another layer with each spring. But considering it is fall now, be gentle, will you?

Do you even have the 'spell' to cast on me? Methinks it's about time, but hey, take your time. : )
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scarlett o' Hara by any chance?

I can not tell you where it originated from, nonetheless, disillusionment has been my constant associate while I worked on the craft, if you would want to call it that.

Gone with the wind? Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!!!
Just trying to emote on Glable's iconic statement. Loved it'!

I did not know the name while watching it. But somehow managed to go thru it more than couple of times.

Mmmmm. . . I can feel the wind blowing. : )
A thought crossed my mind. But never mind.

hmmmm... Interesting!

IndisGuise:)

ABHUIII:O:O:O:O!!!
i will never ask again !:P
this sounds scary now:D:D:D

wrong thread eh!:)

good day!
~*ruIna*~

Hahahaha. Sorry pagli and others!

Golmal bhubantaree golmallll bhayecha.

Ruina,
Anyways, am breathing. Alive I presume. ;)Doin' gud doin' gud ;). How about thyself?
I hope you are doing good as well.

"*. name liya saitan hajir* or is it *timro umer dherai cha*"
--- To merge it into one, can i say, saitan ko umer sherai cha?;) hehe

DC ko uncle ki Nepal ko? :p. I just hope there was nothing that would malign after the facts.:)

Ke haraunu, afulai khojdai thiye. Heheheehe. Timile bolayo ma hajir chu. Bhannus ke sewa garau;).

Sewak,
IndiGuise;)

Hi all, new user here.
Hi Pagli, I think your friends dont knw the term Bhote firstly. It is a term(derogatory remark)used for Tibetans. It is weird for me to think that they call Japanese and other ppl that. It is obv. this would offend tibetans, like someone mentioned earlier using the N word for African Americans. They could say that among themselves but when someone says it...not good. So, I think it is best if you tell your frens that you dont think its proper to call those ppl they think are Bhote or you. I also dont think its proper for frenz to joke and call their tibetan fren Bhote cuz its not a joke...