[][][] http://www.ioez.com [][][]

I WANT YOU


TO BE WITH YOU


IN A NICE RESTAURANT


TO HAVE CANDLE LIGHT DINNER



and SAY THOSE SWEET THREE WORDS TO YOU


"PAY THE BILL"

LOL, ke bhanni ma ba, openbook, since your name is so nice, please open the door of your mind too. By the way why do you feel that joke was just for you? It simply was a joke nothing more nothing less, and please just don't read the title but whats written, and trust me you will understand like rest of them did. Hare, there are so many blond jokes and why men are better than women and bla blas.... shall we all go and protest now? Its just a stupid joke. If someone feels connected to that joke sorry not my fault. The title itself was sarcastic, may be that's why you got confused. Whoever you might be no one is pointing at you, since newuser gave you the link why don't you go and scold the author. : P Don't be so sensitive, I would understand if you name was attached but it simply was a joke, so kind of confused what made you so hot. ;) By the way, since the title says nice guy suk, hope you arent trying to be a jerk now.* confused* :) Oki, let me stop here before you misunderstand me more. So please smile now and peace out...


Anyways for more good ones please also check this...http://www.dobhran.com/humor/index-menwomen.htm ;)

according to this joke nice guys are meant to be jerks. Just a simple sarcasm which was hard to understand

and forgot to tell. yo open book dude, don't act like a jerk now.

don't mind wat matrix says.


hahahahahaha


u be wat u r

and

have fun

It was simply a joke..openbook took it so personally...harey.....tato panyeau ley gala ma chatyanga hanera beujhyaunu paryo jasto cha hai..... ;) .....hehehhe

Open Book bro,
काम कुरो एकातिर कुम्लो बोकी ठिमी तिर भनेको यै हो। पहिला कुरा वुझ्ने अनि मात्र अरुलाई दोष लगाउने बानी वसाल्दा राम्रो होला। :)

Know you know!!!
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT and Ass kissing that will put you over the top!

Hi Guys ,

Small Quiz for you people...
Have a Nice and Great Week-end.........


I have one

You have one

Your mother uses your father's one

And your auntie uses your uncle's one

A married lady would acquire one

But a divorced lady would lose her one

A Pope doesn't use his one

Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one

Michael J. Fox has a shorter one

Madonna doesn't have one

The Chinese usually have short ones

While the Nepalese usually have long ones !!!

Do you have one?

How long is your one?

Which one is your preferred one?

(see below for answer)





No Mischief!!!





Think again.....







No dirty feelings please!





Think.... Think...





No Clue!





OK.Give up ?? scroll down for the answer..........













Answer : Your Surname !!





I know you guys are filthy minded might have guessed
something

wild!!!!!



Again read the passage with the Surname in your mind

What a story ! Worth reading

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:


Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.
Love,
Dad


Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"
At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do for you from here."


Moral:
No Matter Where You Are In The World, If You Have Decided To Do Something Deep From Your Heart You Can Do It. It Is The Thought That Matters Not Where You Are Or Where The Person Is.

Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............
They decide to play hide-n-seek.........
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den...........
He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching.....
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein...........
Einsteins counting......97,98,99.....100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........
Einstein says "newtons out..newtons....out....."
Newton denies and says i am not out........
He claims tht he is not Newton......
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........
how.................




His proof:

Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.....
That means i am Newton per meter square......
Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal

Bill Gates died in an accident involving a misguided pie which was thrown at him by an angry Macintosh protester. Because of his achievements in life, it was decided that he should go to heaven.

God Personally showed Bill around heaven, displaying the Waterfalls, Great Forests, Lagoon's and Wet-T-shirt contests that are held regularly. Bill was impressed by all of them and kept nodding his head in approval, which pleased God because he enjoyed pleasing others.

When they finished the tour, God took Bill into his Throne room and sat down on the blindingly shiny throne. God asked Bill how he had enjoyed heaven so far, and Bill replied;

"It's been great, but you're in my chair."

A letter from a Punjabi mother to her son:

My dear Jagjit,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, sitated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is Badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allowed in his club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

There isn't much more n ews this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love - Mom.
P.S. Jagjit, I was going to send you some money but by the time I
realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

had heard this punjabi joke but still good to read again.

Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from your Consultant:

1 You're right; we're billing way too much for this.
2 Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added".
3 How about paying us based on the success of the project?
4 This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.
5 Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.
6 I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.
7 Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.
8 I can't take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.
9 The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.
10 Everything looks okay to me. You really don't need me.

speaking of useless consultants.....

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car.

Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not." answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business...... Now give me back my dog."

Father Of Four


Bob's greatest achievement was his brood of six children. In fact, he was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife "Mother of Six", despite her continual objections.

One night at a cocktail party, Bob decided it was time to go home and shouted across the room, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His irritated wife hollered back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."

My wife and I go out for dinner twice a week ........... she on Tuesdays and me on Thursdays

:->

One woman gave birth to a baby after 5 months of her marrige. Confused husband asked how this is possible? Wife immediately replied back ' Honey first five months the baby stayed in your womb and then final five months he was in my womb'.

great jokes.........

Ma pani yeso euta diu ki bhanera..............

A pregnant woman watched SHOLAY 100 times. when she gave a birth to a baby boy he was asking his mother .........

"BOLO .....KITNE ADMI THHE"

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"



LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"



QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"



CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his
"manhood" was mangled and tornfro m his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.

The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the
doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".




WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX:
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"



WOMEN'S HUMOR:
My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."