Hi!

I would like some insight to this problem related to Same Gotra marriage.

I didn't ask about her gotra when it all started. Now I can not move back and she thinks her family will not accept us because we belong to same gotra. We have different surnames so I didn't anticipated this problem at the begining.

 

Anyone who have any insight or experience about the remedy of this problem will be very much appreciated.

Lau saathi ho euta sajha basi ko kalyan garnu paryo. I was even thinking of converting to some other religion to avoid all this but if there is any remedy within our cultural system then I would prefer that to conversion.

Thanx in advance for giving attention to my problem

Have a great time.

only solution i am aware of is to do suicide and take rebirth in a different family....It's like gene. You inherit  it. 

 Those who won't accept sagotri Hindu will not accept the guy from another religion for sure, but you can try being a Mussalman. It allows you to have four wives anyway.

Seriously, I think it is a big problem for you. It is almost like marrying in your own family. Several years ago, when people entered Nepal, moved from one place to another, they were allowed to change their sirname. But to avoid incestual marriage, they kept track of their Gotra. I have heard that Acharyas who went to Kaski from Jumla were called Parajuli, and so on. So you can see what it means.[ Of course, this is true in India too]

Funny thing is I have seen several intercaste marriage, but  sagotri marriage is hard to find. It is like marrying in your own family, and people feel extremely uncomfortable about it. It is almost impossible to find . say, Khanal marrying Khanal or Aryal marrying Paudel. So if you marry let me know so that I can remember you as an exception.

Finally, do whatever pleases you. Afterall, several people marry within their clan too. It is just that we feel very uncomfortable about it.

This kind of topic is the one I hate most in the discussion forum. Yes commit suicide or be dharma/gotra free person if you really understand what human being means.

And such kind of restriction is primarily adhered to self-proclaimed higher cast group (viz: bahun,cheetry) in Nepalese society. Such type of demarcation is highly venomous for free and decent society.

Omg You are dating your sister..

The probability of regret that you'll get for losing her overweighs many orders of magnitude more than the tiniest fraction of risk that carries from inbreeding which doesn't exist (in your case). We all are related to each other in some way and you probably don't have relations to what they call within seven generation relationships. My guts is telling me that get over with it, and marry the one you love.

think of it thisway:
lets build a family tree for you. Starting with you 1 person for your generation, there are 2 people on the generation above, 4 before that and 8 before that. you see it seems that any family tree will keep on growing exponentially. since there were not that many people 100 years ago, it is certain that there had been some inbreeding.

from your post it seems like you really want to marry her regardless of gotra, and are having trouble convincing her and somewhat yourself. sorry i dont have any suggestions for that.

Namaskar,First of all, are you sure that you both have same gotra? Sometime you might be in confusion as one of my friend was becoz he was not 'sure' of his gotra. Secondly, very rarely there are two 'gotra' within the same surname. So if you are damn serious, ask your family to investigate little more.

You have to ask 'pundit' back home for any solution. This is like hiring lawyer for legal solution. LOL

If you could not find any solution forget everything except "Everything is fair in love and war".

Good luck bro!!

I was hoping to find someone who have been in this situation. I just thought that as there are always ways to go forward in our culture I guessed there might be some way ( eg. when we say there is sani or sadhe sati or something wrong, some puja or Daan dakshina works )

Supare Thula as much as I appreciated your answer the problem lies on whether you will be born again or not, and how will you avoid to born in certain families??

Pire may be you are right but how can it be so hard and how can one claim that it is so close? I had never been in contact with her family till now and I am 28. Further we don't even share a common surname. I googled and found that even this gotra concept is not consistent through out the vedic history. But how could I persuade her parents to this?

Donald duck  I agree with your point of view and share the similar understanding but the problem is not with me it is a generation that is ahead of me and it is always to find a common ground where we can respect each others thought and again move forward in a positive direction, One step at a time. Thank you for your comment I really appreciate it.

Cartmann I don't know how to answer you? Anyway thanx for your interest in this topic.

Arahat thanx for your honest opinion. I am serious that is why I am trying to find a better way where I can move forward without offending her parents.

Thank you all for trying though.

I just hope I can gen some insight from someone who knows a bit more about this isue.

 

 

It's very usual that nobody asks "Gotra" before they fall in love with other. Have you heard of anyone ending up their relationship just because of "Gotra" ?  They are absolute turd. If you are so much concerned  about this whatsoever called "Gotra", It won't be a problem for you. I have seen it before. You will be asked to perform some rituals "Puja" and you will be allowed to marry her. Consult with you priest. G.L 

NightElf  It is not about convincing ourselves man It is about trying not to offend  the parents. Thanx for trying though.

Stat  Yes man We have same Gotra I came to know that from her. I thought as we have different surnames that is OK. I am looking for more insights from wherever I can get. Thanx for your post bro. I  actually feel better but still hope to find some comon ground where we don't have to offend her parents.

Talking  about Gotra,First, I am sure it has some merit. May be not, but it is a way to keep track of who descended from whom. It is hard to erase, and I don't think it is bullshit.

Second, it is upto you to follow the rules or break it. There are several social rules in the world, and one normally follows them voluntarily. But it is upto you. People are bound to feel awkward, specially your relatives.

To be honest, I have never met a man who married within his gotra. It is that rare. May be others have.

And someone said there are geometrically more people who are likely to be related to you as you go back to your geneology and start tracing your relatives. That is not totally true. Demographer and statistician Franciso Galton once did a pathbreaking study on the families that died out in UK. It seems lots and lots of aristocratic families in UK died out, and so did their sirname. Even with such a glorious throne and all the wealth in the world, Shah bansha is about to die out. Lots of Rana (Shamsher ) died without children. Somehow, people don't survive as much as we seem to think.

WTF is Gotra?

Nammaskar,

i do not know much about gotra but it surely sounds like you are in deep shit man. this might not make sense but i would ask for her ID or some paperwork stating her gotra, cause people play games man, she could be tired of your lazy ass and now trying to give you a guilt trip with gotra and shit man ... no disrespect "female dog" could be trying to get rid of you man. seriously. and u worried   about facing Gotra and shit.

 

 

come smoke a joint with me buddy, and keep rolling.. rolling.. rolling  

Oldboy,

You are right. Actually, it was something I wanted to say, but didn't say it earlier.

I have a friend whose girlfriend kept on talking about mother's gotra not being compatible (i.e. mothers coming from same gotra) and the marriage not being suitable for them. Little did my friend knew that she wanted to marry a jerk --albeit rich one-- and move to Australia. It was an extremely dirty trick the girl played on him--but my friend still doesn't realise.  Some people always believe the girl they like likes them, no matter what, and it was their parents' fault. Most of the time, it is the girl who want out and parents serve as a good excuse.

hey, sathi :
don't worry?
first try 2 convince your parents if they are not,
marry on your own.
And how come saha gotriya means marrying sister that;s BS..
I have almost 4 friends who ended up marrying saha gotriya.
don;t worry 2 much on this thing .
You need to go to 19th century to find relationship with some1 in same gotra ..
Take care and take it easy .. :D

All that matter is Love. If you love her from your heart go for it .

Ya Pire,

i have heard quite a few myself.

next time, while i am trying to dip my dong, I'll be like  O Shit!!!  hold on baby, " and whats your gotra again?"  sorry couldn't resist... it would be funny though....

 

everything is fare in love and ....and yes of course there is one solution for sahagotriya marriage..... i,e sahagotyiya marriage is accetable if upto 7 generations of girls and boys family ara not related to eahother...

change your gotra like pn shah did