I have been an avid reader, but my writing skills are challenged. Through this writing piece, I would like to embark on a journey in which I will be making lots of writing mistakes. In this learning process, I will appreciate honest feedback and criticism from readers in sajha to help me become a better writer.
Thank you,
noob_writer
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I saw Kathleen walking towards me as I opened the main door of Hubbard Commons on my way to the food court. The usual wave of hands and smiling led to talks about seniorities, coffee addiction and ultimately life after undergrad. Upon my curiosity, she expressed her desire to travel and paint and I told her about my plans to enroll in a grad school in the Northeast. Learning about my desire to stay at least two or four more years for school, she asked me if I ever planned to return back to Nepal. Accustomed to hearing an ebbulient "Oh def. yes", "We will see" brought a frown in her face as she gave deflated good-bye smile and headed towards the library.

I remember Saroj dai showing his skepticism when I replied him with full confidence that I intended to return back to Nepal before I was thirty. Having watched Shahrukh Khan's Swadesh sometime back, I was totally convinced that I will be going back to Nepal to light bulbs. Never had I thought that three years down the line, I would find myself utterly confused about my career and future plans. Perhaps, I would not have been so dubious had Nepal been the same place I left three years ago. The country changed, friends changed, family moved to different parts of the world, and thinking about home does not bring the same excitement as it used to bring when I lied down underneath Joe's bed in Lord 210.

As I walked in our lawn in the evening watching the stars twinkle and waited for kauli alu to get cooked, I dreamt about having a car, going to office after enjoying a good meal of rice and Kauli Alu, returning home with full of energy and making everyone go to New Road with me to have a cone of icecream. I will have a car in a year and I will start working in an office in couple of years, but I won't have the kauli alu, the smell of Pulchowk, and the spirit to energize everyone to accompany me to New Road.

I ask a simple question to me time and again, but my brain ceases to function and encounters a segmentation fault prompting me to check the correctness of the question. Do I miss Nepal enough to leave all this luxurious life and start all over again with no job security? While the arrow in the yes-no indicater used to tilt to yes in a fraction of second three years ago, today it finds itself flip flopping rapidly between yes and no, something John McCain keeps doing in his campaign all the time. Last time I checked it, the arrow pointed towards yes, but before I could smile, it moved to no.

Freshman year was filled with dreams, sophomore year was filled with hopes, junior year was filled with apprehension, and senior year started with uncertainty. I have stopped thinking about my career and future plans now. India may become one of the superpowers in 10 years time, and I may find myself eating chapatthi and working in Bombay, which in that case, i could visit home more frequently, or my folks could visit me more often. Things may even turn around and we may see a surge of outsourcing companies scavenging talented but cheap labor in Kathmandu. Things could get worse and I may see myself immigrating to Canada after failing in H1b lottery. With so much uncertainty surrounding life, I have ceased to mull over my future plans. Things will keep changing...and I will use my best judgement to either accept or reject the change.

Until then hope keeps us alive.

thank you for voicing the opinions of most Nepalis.

Hello,

Because you asked for honest feedback , I am going to tell you how I felt about your piece. I think you do have some hidden written skills but they need to improved a little. I think your sentences are too long and heavy with words. I think breaking them down into more than one sentence and conveying only 1 thing in one sentence would make it more understandable.  When a sentence is too long and is heavily worded, it loses its charm and becomes less interesting. (Atleast to me, maybe I am challenged??). And from one pararaph to another, I could not see the link, and to be truthful did not understand what your article was about, what was the theme? But I do see that with some more practice, you would write very well! :) (Though I am not an expert. lol) Bravo! Keep writing.

meera - I did not want to forcibly bring this thread back to main page, hence I refrained from thanking you. Now that it is back, I would like to thank you for going over my writing and dropping a comment.

rhythm - Thank you very much bro. I appreciate you leaving honest feedback. Criticisms definitely help me benchmark myself.

 

who are your targeted readers ? frame sentences/expression accordingly.

i guess sentences were unnecessarily long and a bit complex. .. most of my energy was used to unweaving those long sentences than getting into the message. No doubt, you got good english, but  'writing skill' is an art, and an art needs more than that.

Rests OK! Keep it up.

So where are you rt now bro?

"Freshman year was filled with dreams, sophomore year was filled with hopes, junior year was filled with apprehension, and senior year started with uncertainty."

SAD BUT TRUE.

'rhythm - Thank you very much bro.'
Rythm, seriously you have to stop writing like a man, or a 'bro' at least. The confusion has happened far too many times to be left unsolved. My suggestion is to simply get a new name, more lady-like, if that makes any sense.

Regarding the topic at hand, noob_writer, this is a good attempt. I can empathize with your theme of an uncertain future towards the end of school life.  It takes some courage to post something as a noob and I must encourage your attempts for future pieces. I can see from your writing you have given thought to it and good luck my friend.

LOL.. FF.. I think I am doomes to be called bro by all sajhaites.. and I dont know if I type like a man... or what I do wrong to seem like a man to most people. its just real weird and funny. And no thanx.. Rythm is girly enough for me.. :D

Oh OK! Write More.