White Woman's Burden for Wife

True story Author: Dina
February 13, 2003

Too many South Asian men come to America to work or study with misconceptions about “white women.” They seem to think that “white women” have no morals, are only interested in men with money, don’t want to be married, and have no religious or family values.

Some South Asian men seem to think that because they are not at home, they can abide by a different set of rules. “White women” do not have to be taken seriously. We can be used for sex, comfort and maybe even love. But when it is time to go home, or when the relationship becomes too emotionally charged, you brutally end the relationship or quickly marry someone of the same nationality and religion. The “white woman” is left devastated.

I know, because I was one of them.

I dated a Pakistani Muslim for four years while I was an undergrad at an Ivy League school and he was as well. We loved each other very much, but he told me that he couldn’t marry me. His mother was expecting him to marry a Pakistani Muslim and if he didn’t, he would break her heart.

As an American Christian woman of an interracial background, I did not understand why. We were compatible on every level, except for my ethnic and religious background. To me, his arguments and his family’s expectations seemed racist. My parents had taught me to look beyond race and to love someone for his or her character, spirit and integrity.

After going back and forth about the relationship, we broke up. Within two months, he went back to Pakistan for a summer field project and got engaged to a Muslim woman from Pakistan. He wrote to me from Pakistan about the engagement and added, “Perhaps you’ll say to yourself that I am more in love with --- than I was with you. It’s not true. I can’t lie to myself.”

I was devastated. Four years with this person whom I loved so much and whom I knew loved me—only to have him offer up his lifetime commitment to someone else whom he hardly knew, in such a short time. But then I realized that he did not have the character, spirit and integrity that my parents had told me to look for. If he had, he would have realized that I am a woman before I am white, with feelings, dreams and hopes of my own. I’m “white” because I was born that way. I didn’t choose my race as much as he didn’t choose his birth land, family or religion. He did not enjoy being discriminated against because of who he was and what he believed in. He should not have done the same to me.

If you too are a South Asian man considering coming to my country—or are already here, you need to realize that us “white women” are to be treated with the same respect that you give your mothers, daughters, sisters or wives. The difference in values and upbringing between the women of your country and the women of mine does not make one better than the other.

And if you are afraid of falling in love with a “white woman,” your religion does allow the marriage. Your culture and your family, however, may react differently. But that is something that you need to resolve for yourself. Don’t drag the “white woman” through your emotional turmoil.

So when you get off the plane, and see me on the street, at a party, in class, at work, and think I am alluring, do not approach me unless you are willing to find out my values, my interests, my personality, regardless of my race or religion. Do not approach me unless you are willing to stand up for me and marry me if we fall in love. Do not date me for the “experience” of being with a “white woman.” I am not an exhibit, carnival ride or trip to the city.

If you can’t do any of these things, then leave me alone, and go back home and get married. Do not hurt me by loving me then not having the courage to deal with the consequences of that love. Kindness, respect and compassion are virtues also taught by Islam.

source: http://www.chowk.com/show_article.cgi?aid=00001868&channel=gulberg

It is sad story and real. What do you think about?

Phew!!!!

Hell hath no fury like that of woman scorned. And the woman is right.

perfctly true. if you love, you should commit.

The story is identical to white males dating Asians or any non-whites for the matter of fact. Cheap and cash loaded Caucasians looking blue eyed fair skined blooke goes around the night life of Hong-Kong, Bankok, Taipei, Tokyo, name any big in States and other places, with a soul purpose of geting laid with no attached soul. Competitions from better men sized and built of fair-dark skins seems to be their only fear, when eyeing his prey.
The story is identical, aplies to Kathmandu too, guess not that extent outside the valley.
It is gender issue, and a bit maleism prevalency in culture.
Having said that exceptions are there, though it is bit sad naration or an experience of the writer.

And yes, forgot to add, Nepalese blokes do rank to certain top, shit# why can't it be just "It is MY Life". Again, is it religion and cultures or a certain mindset originating out of thr formers?? clueless

i would never give up my lovelife to my parents, they're not gonna decide who i will marry, i am the one thats gonna have to stay with the person and i dont care about culture, race, color or anything... this story's sad though.. but i guess the pakistani wanted to show respect to his mom.. the girl's VERY strong to actually write down what happened, i would never be able to put up with this, like i would take a big stepp, destruction re kya! very ncie story, i respect the woman~

This thread or the topic is repeated again. It was posted ealier. And i want to say this to the person who posted this, her friend or somebody really stupid to even read this and feel sympathetic to the so call "white" girl.
Stupidity for these:
1. This is Nepal and Nepali and not Pakistanese site
2. Pakistani and Muslim...not a great choice. Go to your public library and read something about the world for god sake if you're that of an ignorant.
3. When he says "He CANNOT marry you". Isn't that a clue?
4. Show me a Muslim woman marry another race, then we can talk. How many of you have seen that? I've seen Nepali convert to Muslim for their love sake. They do not, never. If you're NOT a muslim, then marriage is out of question.
5. Nepalese all over the world have married to another race, many living happily.Again it all depends on the person.

So stop wasting your time with such stupid story.Get a job for god sake.

American women are crazy

A very touching and sad story. Someone earlier commented that this story was about a pakistani muslim and not a nepali... BUT I have seen a lot of nepali people just going out with white gals for the heck of it and for a pure physical relationship. A very good article giving us the views of the white girl involved. So people seriously... those of you who are going out with a gal just for the heck of it.. (be it a white gal or any other ethnicity) dont be so pig headed and selfish and think about the feelings of the other person being involved. Your selfishness could really really affect and hurt a person!

Yes, I see, a similar thread was created before, and remember me posting.
In this case, the guy is at no fault. He let her know that he wouldn't marry her and she still expected him to marry her.
I do not feel sorry for her, why should we be sorry for her stupidity?
So far I know the American culture, it is the place where people take words at their "gross value." When someone says no, they would mean it "no." Why she still thought that he would change his mind?
Secondly, she should have done some research to find out about Muslim culture, she would know how it works in Muslim culture.
Afterall, there are cases where people from South Asia do pretend to have fallen in love for some other reason, that would definitely be a sad story.

look at what she says, "she was open minded open to anything"
What an awesome girl. I think white girls ARE mistreated. Yes a lot of them are stupid, like girls in any culture and are wild, lose they're virginity at an early age blah blah, but lets look at the other white girls, those that are not THAT type, heck i know a lot of my own gori friends who dont like dating as much, who dont like to wear those skimpy clothes and heck, they dont drink, smoke or go clubbing just to hit on guys. Besides, had tht muslim dude married that white girl, to his surprise, surprise, she could have moulded herself into muslim culture herself without HIM ASKING FOR IT. what more could that jerk as for? pahila lop garne aani pachi kera ko bokra fyakya jhai fykne? saale gadha.
I hate it when women are treated unfairly!!!

In fact that.....

It is depand on person education, morality, responsibility, accountability and dignity.

Is not it?

well it is sad story and i guess not very uncommon,( from both gender) , i feel sorry for her, but hey that gives her no right to steroetype every south asian male, i know a few number of south asian people( nepalese/indians) that have married white or women of other races and their families have embraced them, there are always exceptions in every part of life but it does not justify her stereotyping every south asian male and issuing a warning against south asian males to backoff, this is being racisist just because of her personal experience and lies on the same issue as saying that people just tend to look all brown skinned man as a potential terrosist after 9/11.

this could have happened if the guy was a white male too, what white guys don't break up with girls because their parents dissaprove? common girls open up your mind and look around it happens everywhere in every region/religion/country , so stop stereotyping just because you had a bad experience youself.

People this is what called sterotyping. There might be this sort of incidents but why judge a whole community based upon isolated incidents.

Also there is been some incidents where white gals filed fake rape cases and totally srewed life of internationals. Specially this happens in midwest where there is not much diversity. There was incident where a kid from Ghanna had consensual sex with this white chick. This white gal filed a rape case against this dude and totally srewed up his life. Although he was not proven guilty but profs came after him and filed a case for forgery in his scholarship. Also got charged with battery and shit.

When the real fact was this white gal was too eager to spread her legs.

So please ligthen up and do not judge anybody based upon isolated incidents.

peace my gorkhes

lumping all south asians as one category is very immature in itself. is there anything common between pakis and gorkhes in their way of thinking, their culture religion. i don't think so. we are much more liberal and accepting than any other south asians. total BS analysis although i feel sorry for the dudette but hey life sucks and what were you thinking dating a paki and expecting matrimony. grow up sister.

Is "Birbhadra" belong to Pakis or Gorkhes?

sound very familier with Gorkhes ....

While aboard there were white girls that were interested on me as I was a good looking and intelligent and honest person. I fell in love with one white girl and I was going to propose her. Guess what? After dating for almost two years one evening she tells me that our relationship was not good enough for rest of the life. Basically she broke up with me. I was heart broken. Shit happens... Life goes on. She later married to a bozo the clown and got divorced and still regreting what she did to me.
In this particular case the Pakistani gye is a "Kayar", who was afraid to face the concequences of the love he ahd with the white girl.
In fact most of the South Asian Men are afraid of LOVE with white girl...

peace and out...

it;s seems normal to me .white women can b never a choice for south asians boy.Because, south asians boy are never in the primary list of these white gals .it is only when these girls can not find a white guy they go to the second alternative .. and then the last may b the south asian guys .. .So it;s like if we are not in their primary list we don;t need to care about the things they make us to feel they care..
Similarly is the case of the old white guy marrying the young south asian girls .. where the asian girl benefits is the citizenshi of USA which she is desiring ..So it;s just a transaction .. and someone wish to have a citizenship of USA or similar thing it is good to have a white gal otherwise it is of no use . to have a experience it;s both way the girl really start with the feeling of knowing how south asian guys ,,coz in her mind is always a handsome caucasian guy .. she accepts him thinking as a white guy .. This is how it is and nothing to b amazed i think ..

quedatemiamor, u are wrong sorry.

white girls love south-asian men. they love the brown skin. as long as u arent too short and your face is okay u should be able to get white girls easily. i know a lot of white girls who like darker skinned guys. This is true atleast in the Mid-West USA where there isnt much diversity. Even the white-boys love brown skinned girls like south-asians or even african girls.

i think they are so used to seeing white boys and white girls , when they see a little different skin color they get attracted to it.

im not joking about this. It is very very true here.

yeah lato boy u know that and that;s what i m telling .. they wanna experience how these guys are .. they wanna taste the brown meat .. they want to know of what material r these south asians made of..coz it's like a new creature for them and we can never b other then immigrants or better well known as alien to them.. ;look how nice word they got for us .. ALIEN .. or may say extra terrestrial ..

I dunno about you guys (and this may be a bit out of hand), but when you and I go back home, YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many girls will be lined up for me and you. Nepalese girls especially PREFER or theyd rather stay in Nepal, a Nepali guy. White guys, as stereotyped tru MTV and other channels are not even the LAST CHOICE of many nepalese girls.