http://www.kantipuronline.com/Nepal/sanskriti.php

बहुपतिको साटो एक पति

उपल्लो हुम्लास्थित बरगाउँका बहादुर लामाका छ दाजुभाइले एउटै बेहुली काङ्गजुँवालाई भित्र्याउँदा घरमा तीन सयभन्दा बढी भेडा थिए । विवाहको भोलिपल्ट माइलो भाइ गोठालो गए भने साहिँलो नुन लिन तिब्बत र काइँलोचाहिँ नुन बेच्न धनगढीतिर । सुहागरात मनाउने अधिकार पाएका जेठोबाहेक अरू घरमा बसेनन् । भेडाको गोठालो र नुन खरिदबिक्रीको 'क्याराभान' ले बहुपति प्रथालाई व्यवस्थित गरेको थियो । घरमा पालो गरेर एक जना बस्थे । त्यसैले न मनमुटाव हुन्थ्यो, न त छुट्टाछुट्टै पत्नीको आवश्यकता नै ।
भाइहरू घर बसेपछि अर्को बिहे गरेर तीन-तीन भाइ बाँडिए । तर, कान्छी पत्नीलाई पूर्वसांसद छक्कबहादुर लामाले भगाएपछि तीन भाइ पत्नीविहीन भएका छन् । माइला च्याब्रल लामा, ५२, भन्छन्, "घरमा आइमाई छैन । नेता -छक्कबहादुर) ले लग्दियोे ।" छक्कबहादुर घरका जेठा हुन् । उनका चार भाइले छिरिङसँग विवाह गरे पनि अहिले सबैले छुट्टाछुट्टै विवाह गरेका छन् । कान्छो भाइ तोपदन अर्को बिहे गरेर काठमाडाँै बस्छन् । साझापत्नी छिरिङ माइलो भाइ नाम्ग्यालसँग छिन् ।

पढेलेखेको पुस्ताले यसलाई रुचाएको छैन । पढ्न बाहिरिएकाहरू अर्को बिहे गरी बस्न थालेका छन् । "सामुदायिक वनले गर्दा भेडा पनि पाल्न छाडियो," साझापत्नी छाडेर अर्को बिहे गरेका ओभरसियर अङ्गबहादुर लामा भन्छन्, "यो समयले ल्याएको परिवर्तन हो । साझापत्नी छाडेर अर्को बिहे गर्नेहरू प्रायः मूलघरमा र्फकंदैनन् । उनीहरूले अंशसमेत माग्ने गरेको पाइँदैन ।"

बिहे गर्दा जेठोसँगै अरू भाइ पनि बेहुलीलाई टाँसी -सिँदूरझँै घिउ) लगाउने र जुठो ख्वाएर पत्नी मान्छन् । तर, स्वास्नी भन्ने अधिकार भने जेठोलाई मात्र हुन्छ । अरूले भाउजू नै भन्छन् । छोराछोरी कसको भन्ने साझापत्नीले छुट्याइदिन्छिन् । "सबैको स्वास्नी हो तर अधिकार दाइको बढी हुन्छ," दाजु र भाइ बाहिर गएकाले घरमा बसेका माइला भाइ कालु लामा भन्छन्, "गाह्रो त छ तर पुर्खादेखिको चलन हो ।"

तर, नयाँ पुस्ता यो परम्परा तोड्ने पक्षमा छ । खास गरेर माध्यमिक तहमा पढ्ने युवतीहरू बहुपति नमान्ने बताउँछन् । "आइमाईलाई समस्या हुन्छ," आफ्नै दुई दाइले एउटी भाउजू बिहे गरेको उल्लेख गर्दै रलिङ माविमा कक्षा १० मा अध्ययनरत सारजाङ्ग लामाले भनिन्, "एउटालाई मात्र लोग्ने मान्छु ।"

wow wow!!!! not me please!!!

One has to wait and think : mero palo kaile aaucha......

god bless them

For more weired practices that compromise women's rights. . .
- http://www.hri.ca/partners/insec/Yb1993/Append_64.shtml

Sisi Tayagu: In the Newar community there was a custom that a newly married bride had to go to the local chieftain's along with some wine. In this tradition there is the concept of sex.

sounds funny... like Hindi movie

Wife as a present: In some Himalayan communities who are under the influence of the Tibetan culture there is a tradition of sending the wife or the daughter to sleep at night with the guest. It is more prominent among the Sherpas especially when a formal friend - Mita (a formal ritualistic system of making friendly ties between two persons of similar sex male or female) comes to see his co-partner the Mita, then the host must send his wife to the guest's bed for the night, and vice-versa during such exchanges of visits. Among the Buddhists of the Himalayan ranges it is so practised as a faith in the Buddhist gospel of charity of all kinds to please the needy. But to this day, it has been made profane as a sheer sexual interest.

he swaps wife ? who?

nepe jyu,
mere out of curiosity the publication you listed has "kanyadaan" as also to humiliate bride. in which part of kanyadaan is it a humiliation? its a hindu ritual like brides-maid carrying flowers before the i-do in christian custom ....

anyway just my thought. .. its a bit of exaggeration on that part though.

We have to be very careful about making generalizations on such culturally contested issues, especially when we often tend to judge 'other' cultures from the values and norms that are prescribed to and inculuturated on us as the "right ways." The reporter is obviously an example of it.

Nancy Levine, a cultural anthropologist, deals with this specific group in question in great details on her book below:

http://www.epinions.com/content_74186919556

She also talks about the factors causing the decline in this particular marriage practice in: Levine, Nancy E. and Joan B. Silk (1997) Why polyandry fails: sources of instability in polyandrous marriages. Current Anthropology 38:375-398.

Unlike many other cultural pratices in Nepal, in this ethnic group, women's status--both strategic interest and pratical needs, is relatively higher within the household and society in terms of their decision-making power.

I second Emodus' caution in generalizing culturally contested (what an accurate choice of word !) issues.

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Thapap ji,

I guess you are pointing to what Emodus is talking about.

However, the document does not characterize the ritual of "Kanyadan", but other subordinating drill rituals that follow it as humiliating to women.

nepe jyu,

if i list all the humuliating practice from 1 through 9 and as item 8 i slide kanyadan then you are saying that it is not meant to be in the same class as the other...

just putting them together under the same heading makes it of same nature.

I am just trying to find out how "kanyadan" seem to stay in the same list as "badi" "deuki" and all the other definitely humiliating practices.

Thapap ji,

I am not defending the document. I think the section we are talking about is poorly written and not well organized. Nevertheless, as I said, the author is characterizing the rituals that follow 'Kanyadan' as humiliating to women, which I agree.


Kanyadan: This custom was established as a belief that it would be a holy deed to give daughters in marriage as a charity like money, land, gold and cow. In the very sacred place of the marriage ceremony itself the bride is humiliated by making her eat the left-outs of the bridegroom and also making her bowing to his feet and also drinking the so-called holly water that has washed up his feet. At the bridegroom's home too many such rituals of humiliation are made essential for her.

USOFA, are you out of your fu**ing mind ? It might be in YOUR tradition to send the wife or the daughter to sleep at night with the guest not ours..I don't want to act intellect here, I want to show you what I feel.. anger , plain anger...Such baseless fact collected from google has no place here..